=D

goodbye good days, don't come back!

2011-04-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

"I wanted words but all I heard was nothing"

It’s been a rather eventful week, for all the wrong reasons. Heart pain, head pain all in one. It’s confusing. Boys will be boys. But it’s over, I guess. Let’s just hope that you keep your word. I’ll definitely keep mine. Anyways, work tomorrow. Gonna make sure I have some fun before I take my well-deserved 2 weeks break! WEEHEE! BUT, I’m really worried. Kena emcee, I might screw up. Damn! I HATE IT! Can I lose my voice please? Ah well, let’s just get it over and done with and enjoy the jam-packed week that’s coming! I can’t wait! :)

I'm back, I guess? heh

Hate is a big bad word

2011-02-18T15:50:00.002+08:00

I am a very judgemental person. I like to criticise but I hardly take any criticism with an open mind. I can't get myself to be patient all the time. Sometimes, I'm very short tempered. Don't ask me why, but that's just how I am. I'm sorry if I've hurt you in any way. I'd say things happen for a reason, but for what reason, that I don't know. Life's short so note to self: Why bother bear any grudges and stay pissed at annoying people? Everyone has their flaws, everyone's annoying in their own way, accept that.

Recap for the week: Monday to Wednesday was First Aid course which was damn damn damn awesome despite the blearghfactor but yeah, the Inno family definitely made the session more entertaining mainly cos of Wayne.. Heh.. And I got my First Aid cert yayme!! Tuesday was Dinner date and Thursday was visiting day + another impromptu dinner date!

Anyways, I wish for Shab a speedy recovery. Can't quite bear seeing her in the state. Gonna go see her again tomorrow :) Please let there be more good news!

I wanna believe

Trainers Oii!

2011-02-09T21:03:00.002+08:00

Rulang Primary Camp's by far the best camp I've done.. Not totally because of the kids, but because of all the other trainers that were there. Well, it's probably cos we got to spend a lot of time together.. On the first day, the kids went home at 4.30, kinda =_= but was good for us trainers.. While waiting for briefing to start we played this game that I totally suck at and in which I obviously lost in.. Heh then we walk together to RailMall to buy breakfast at Cold Storage where we possibly pissed the cashier of with our constant bargaining and dinner at Ah Mei's :) After dinner, lepak at carpark outside campsite and played Asshole Taiti which I'm really pro at heh and other games.. SHIOK ah!! We were all too noisy and high but nobody cared cos we are from Inno! Kay no link but yeah.. I love love love this camp.. Lost my voice after playing so much games on the first day so I couldn't perform my task much as one of the campfire Emcees heh.. I chao-sia-ed the whole way ah and the kids and lagi best the trainers all laugh at me.. Thanks ah! Haha! Ok.. So main point, THIS CAMP ROCKS! :) Oh Oh, from feb, there'll be a pay raise! YIPEEKAYAY! And since I'm taking the first aid course, more pay raise! DOUBLE YIPEEKAYAY!

Hey Hey Friday is Payday!

NEON TREES!

2011-02-05T13:31:00.001+08:00

I love us! :)

Kay I am so bored at home.. Supposed to go to Johor today for a mini shopping trip but then the car's giving problems.. Something about the tyre getting punctured by a nail and now the wheel can't be replaced since the sports rim that my dad put on is a little different than usual? Hah! I don't know but that's the sad and tragic story of his car.. Anyways, the photo above was taken during our recent awesome chalet where Andrea got drunk (or did she? hmmm) and the rest of us cannot stand her suspicious drunkedness.. Even with the drinking only permitted outside the room rule, the beer still 'manage to disturb the peace'. Haha Oh wells.. Oh must check out Neon Trees! It's my new obsession now.. They are AWESOME! I like how their drummer is the lady.. Very rare to have majority male but with a female drummer band.. I can't think of another group with such a make up.. Can you?

"It's us who made this mess. Why can't you understand?"-Animal, Neon Trees :)

Take Over Control

2011-02-02T14:59:00.003+08:00

I don't normally listen to this type of 'clubbing' songs but hell, after going through camp and hearing this song countless times, hah, I've grown to like it.. Addictive lah! Anyways, the past weekend has been the best ever! BBQ with the group of 4seveners which I will regularly see during our bbq sessions was damn awesome! I wanna play 7levels again! And then the lepak session with the cousins.. Then followed by a very straighforward and simple 2D1N camp.. So on Sat, I donated 55 cents to a charity drive for the disabled. On sunday, recieved 20 bucks from my aunt for helping out during my cousin's wedding but sadly on monday, that money was used to cab from Clementi to work.. Could've saved 10 bucks but the darn traffic jam had to rob me.. :( Life has its ways.. I'm sure there are reasons behind everything..

Can't wait for payday!

Fully fatigued

2011-01-23T14:04:00.001+08:00

Second trip of Tour De East was worse than the first, definitely.. My butt has blisters now and my palms too are sore.. Regardless of the pain and the tire, it was fun.. The food was great and the company AWESOME! Anyways, yesterday, I declared myself as the free agent in class to Faiq.. Haha! Kinda made me sound as though I was a hopper but no, I'm not.. I just don't stick to one 'clique'.. Actually, I don't even like the term 'clique'.. Kinda make it sound like you're bonded to each other for life and you cannot break it or there'll be dire consequences.. Heh, I'm sounding a little too overdramatic but that's just my stand.. It's a different thing, being close to one, and being close to a group of people.. Oh Oh, I was looking through photos of some of my schoolmates gg for a Bali trip together and it kinda made me wanna follow their footsteps.. So step 1, find a cheap package then step 2 ask around who's interested :)

Pantat Sakit, Sakit Pantat, Chikalaka piapia SAKIT!

Coral Primary OOII!

2011-01-22T00:06:00.001+08:00

Started out my first assignment on a shaky start.. Since I skipped first and last day of attachee, I wasn't sure of what to do for the morning part of the first day.. Thank god, I have my buddy Li to depend on.. Then with more help and guidance from him and some experential learning on my part by trying out different methods with the kids, I got progressively better.. So by the end of it, I felt that the camp was AWESOME eventhough the 160 kids were more hyper than usual.. Damn annoying but still all really cute so can cancel off the bad side a bit ah haha! And Heh, my friends too were great, Emm, Deb, Kevin and Xan! I love my job!

So anyways, when I learnt that I was taking my former primary school, I wasn't expecting anyone to remember me cos that was like 7 years ago.. Surprisingly enough, after I introduced myself to the school, Mr Shafie came up to me and asked whether I ever attended the school.. He remembers me! Even the smaller details like about me winning the Best Camper Award for my P5 camp.. Cool or what? I myself forgot about that and he remembered.. heh, I was damn happy of course cos out of the hundreds of students that he's taken, I'm one of those that he remembers.. Heh, so for this camp, I had a teacher that I could easily communicate with.. Weehee!

I took the right step :)

T-Raining

2011-01-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

So today was training day.. I think it went pretty well.. Kinda boring cos all we had to do was listen and about half the time, we were sitting down on the wooden hard floor and plus the weather was such a bitch today so there wasn't much that we could do.. Heh, there was only 5 other people in training today with only one guy.. Anyways, so my fellow newbies I think are really awesome people.. Especially Nita, though she's 26 and all, damn she's one cool person.. Since we were the only ones living in Pasir Ris, I had the chance to get to know her better on the way home.. She's into backpacking and hearing her tell me stories about her experience backpacking to Cambodia, Indonesia, Vietnam and the likes really interests me to wanna go backpacking as well.. Too bad I think I don't have any friends who would be interested.. Nor the money :( And plus she's really nice too! Cos she's had all the experience of wasting 5 years on a field that she ended up not really enjoying, she encouraged me and talked me into spending some time to think of what I really wanna do and not just decide based on my results..

Ok so, my cousin's getting married on Sunday which means that I'm sleeping over my aunt's place tomorrow WOOHOO! Lepak all day ah with le familia! Oh oh, and since I'll be in camp on Tuesday all through to Friday, I'll need to get someone's birthday present and bring it to camp.. Monday ah I go find.. Hope everything from now on goes on well! :)

Rain rain, seriously, favour ah, go away?

Ready for work?

2011-01-13T13:34:00.001+08:00

So I'm kinda starting work tomorrow, kinda cos tomorrow's just training.. I'm kinda all psyched up for it cos from what I've been told, it's a really fun job and since I can't sit still for more than a minute sometimes, I think this job's just what I need.. So maybe the paycheck at the end of it isn't that big but I just need something to do! Man I'm bored! However, it's all the way in Bukit Timah, so I guess about a portion of my money will go to transportation alone.. Heh, I'll try to convince my dad to chip in a little bit.. Heh.. Kinda scared cos I'm the only one since Mr Kerab decided to bail on me.. I'm not sure about Husni though.. Hmm.. I think I'll ask him..

Fingers crossed, wish me luck!

Dude Please

2011-01-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

So yesterday was a great day.. Had a great catch up session with Val over dinner! Today however, isn't so much.. I'm not sure if I'm still upset over being pangsey-ed even though is a case of 'I should have known better cos he's so god damn fickleminded' or just the fact that he's going on and on about how his world would be a better place if there weren't several things without minding how other people would feel.. If you were a girl, I'd be like "Bitch please!" And then you drag the other people who are just being sympathetic, OK, what's up with that? And the frequent cussing? I do that too but to hear you incessantly swearing at your bestfriend over something so small, dude, not cool!

I don't know if you're gonna read this but whatever

The Best in History

2011-01-08T19:17:00.000+08:00

Now that I'm done with the 10 seasons of Friends, I'm back to feeling at lost with what to do with my life.. Training's on friday so I've got a lot of time on my hands.. I guess I might start watching the movies that I have or maybe perhaps with TVD? Hah I don't know.. Heh, so last night or this morning rather, I cried like mad watching the last two eps of Friends.. That makes it three nights or mornings in a row that I've cried.. Heh, first was 17 Again, then Charlie St. Cloud then Friends.. OMG I am such a crybaby.. I think I'm gonna take a break for a little while before I start watching anymore stuff.. Maybe wait for Glee S2 to start again on Feb 6?

Anyone has anything for me to do?

Nobody Has It Easy

2011-01-07T14:45:00.002+08:00

"Cause everybody knows that nobody really knows hot to make it work or how to ease the hurt. We've heard it all before everybody knows just how to make it right I wish we gave it one more try."

Wow! I've always loved this song.. I was Youtube-ing for Friends Gag Reels when I came across this song that I used to listen to all the time.. It's just really nice to listen to and the lyrics too is good, I think.. And of course John Legend, he is damn awesome! Heh, so today is finale day.. I'm gonna watch the last few episodes of Friends tonight.. Gonna brace myself for tears and all.. Heh.. Man, I really hope that in the next few years, they're gonna make a Friends movie.. Out of all the shows I've watched thus far, I say none can compete with Friends cos it's really one of a kind.. Oh well..

It's kinda unsettling how I'm easily addicted to shows HAH

Hello 2011!

2011-01-01T23:50:00.001+08:00

On the first day of 2011, I tried out something new.. Hah, I just joined the tumblr community.. Damn I'm so noob-ish at it.. But hell, it's been a long long time since I last felt so lost doing something different.. Kay so tumblr is not really much different from blogger.. Heh, but I kinda think it's cooler..

So anyways, I was sitting on my bed and I was thinking, "Wow, this year is really gonna be different".. I'm gonna get back my A level results and that will definitely have a big effect on my life.. Hanan's gonna go into NS so there's definitely no way that we'll have such luck as to be posted to yet another same school in the same year.. And my girls are in their last year of poly and they're gonna be busy and stressed among other things.. Simply said, I don't know where my life's heading to.. On another note, I made myself a board in which I bluetack-ed some of the photos I had.. Heh, simple but I think it's pretty ok.. :) Kay it's kinda blur, blame the stupid camera but other than that Yay me!

Still too early to freak out, right?

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T20:36:00.002+08:00

"I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and lose often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises. laughs and cries."-Theodore Isaac Rubin

Well here we are, at the end of a very hectic and stressful year.. There's just so many things about this year which I'm more than ready to let go.. Then there are those wonderful memories which I never wanna forget.. Hah, I feel kinda sad that I'm no longer gonna address myself as an 18 year old.. Cos I always thought that 18 is like a big deal you know just like 16 and 21.. Too bad I had to spend it in hell.. Ah well, what can I do?

Ok.. I take it back.. It was a rather good year despite all the shenanigans.. Made really good friends and had a ball of a time.. Well.. So.. Resolution for the year 2011, simple, to be a better person, a better friend, a better daughter.. Not be too much of the blabbermouth that I am this year.. And to always be a grateful person who will not take things for granted..

Here's to another good year!

Just Not Fit Enough

2010-12-29T22:44:00.000+08:00

Went for half a round of Tour De East with Syab and Joyce today.. Man I'm damn unfit.. I even had a heat stroke.. Thank god they were there and kinda knew what to do.. Hah, that 'near death' experience's still bothering me.. What if I had died today you know, how many people will cry and miss me? And how many other people will like the fact that I'm gone.. Ok I'm possibly being over dramatic about the whole thing.. I can't help it.. Anyways, bumped into Tay, Jon, Cheryl and Alfred today at ECP.. Funny how you meet fellow Pasir Ris-ians at ECP and not at Pasir Ris.. HAI

I can't have that now, I'm sorry

Ready for 2011!

2010-12-26T22:49:00.001+08:00

"All you gotta do is cross the line. I could wait a lifetime but you just gotta decide"

I went to have my hair cut today.. It's a lot shorter now heh.. I don't quite know how to react to it.. But damn I hate my curly wurls.. Well, I'm pretty much all set for the new year! Can't wait to leave 2010 which I thought was by far the worst year in my entire life.. Ah well new year, new adventures!

Give 2011 to me already!

Merry Xmas!

2010-12-25T19:17:00.001+08:00

"Everything is changing. Day by day, we don't notice it, but just look over the past year and you will realise everything has. People who you thought were going to be there forever aren't, and people you never imagined you'd be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and older we are the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all that's left would be memories."

I love today! Well, the first half of today up to a couple of minutes before this post.. Heh.. Cos today, for the very first time in my entire life, I got to spend Xmas with people who I actually love and like! Well, of course I came home to find the Unwanted Visitors still here, creating a ruckus by using the Karaoke machine.. Hey, next time I hear of them coming over, I think imma break that thing..

Anyways, I love my girlfriends as always! Heh, thanks for the Xmas presents! I hope you girls like mine as much as I like your too! :)

I'm starting to miss everyone, Hanan, Shab, JC friends heh even the two girls I just met

Us 3 Forever

2010-12-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

"When I'm with you, I act different. In a good way. I smile more and laugh more. I don't have to pretend everything is ok when it's really not. With you, I can drop the fake smile and put on the real one. I don't feel hurt and alone when I'm with you. Instead, I feel safe and loved. You're easy to talk to, and you listen to me. I don't have to worry about holding back with you.. I don't feel self-conscious. I don't ever feel insecure or sad. You show me that you really do care and you're not just pretending. I really appreciate your company, because with you I'm different. With you, I'm happy."

I can't wait for Saturday! Can't wait to spend time with my darls.. Can go and check whether CHIPPY British Take Away is on for business already at Tamp 1! WOOHOO! Fried Mars Bars! And I think I might go and get J.Co's Yogurt HEH! weehee!

Psyched for the new year!

Pretty People

2010-12-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

Francisco Lachowski

How can he just be of my age? He's so :)

Good god I think I just died!

Wonderful World

2010-12-11T14:27:00.001+08:00

"I'm thinking that sometimes you just have to make the decision to be happy. Just realize that things aren't ever what you hoped they'd be. Not ever. For anybody."-Away From Her

Going off for a family holiday to KL and Cameron Highlands soon. Never been to CH before.. But I heard that there's lotsa strawberries.. Heh FONDUE time! Hope I'll get to have lots of fun.. And Dad won't spring us a surprise by dragging our butts to Melacca to visit his family since he's the only driver.. URGH I hate kampung!

Well, at least when I get back regardless of how the trip will be, I'll be looking forward for some major fun! Going out with my girlfriends and gonna go for another round of Tour De East! WOOHOO! Can't wait!

I am a city kid

Well according to you

2010-12-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

"I will learn to let go what I cannot change. I will learn to forgive what I cannot change. I will learn to let go when I cannot change. I will learn to love when I cannot change. But I will change, I will change. Whatever I, whenever I can."

I can't quite tell how much I've changed.. But I do know I've changed a fair bit this year.. I kinda like it.. Being this person rather than how I was.. I kinda feel more at peace, maybe it's cos I've slowly learnt to take things as it is and not be so judgemental and uptight about everything.. Hey, I'm much less of an ill tempered and impatient person than I was which I think is a big improvement.. No more regular outrage at home towards my family.. Yeah, that bad.. But I've probably got a whole long way to go before I'll reach the point where everybody will like who I am.. Then again, perfection doesn't exist.. Oh well

A friend, Fadhil once said: The wound caused by fire heals over time, but the wound inflicted by an inflamed tounge never heals. I guess he's right.. I'll keep away from being the cause of the pain.. Like how I used to be, according to.. ..

You got me

I can't tell what day it is

2010-12-08T17:35:00.003+08:00

"Ask what most people want out of life and the answer is simple; to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though, the wanting to be happy that just keeps us from getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling, trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were. Until eventually it hits us, it's been there all along, not in our dreams or hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar." Grey's Anatomy

I think I'm going mad.. Really it's like within me, there's this certain insanity that longs to be unleashed.. I know I've spoken about how lack of sleep and stress did stir me crazy previously but this time round it seems like too much sleep and no stress at all might be driving me nuts.. Then again, maybe it's the post A levels feeling like I've lost my purpose in life.. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to worry over anymore.. Everything's routine-ish; wake up, eat, watch tv.. Macam zombie OMG! Not that I don't have plans.. But like lazy.. and tired.. And what's weirde-r is that my hands are itching to do Stats..

Can someone get me White Lies and Florence + The Machine and Cee Lo Green and The Maine's albums? :) I'll promise to love you forever!

I'm starting to loathe myself, I don't even know why

Let there be love

2010-12-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

"It's time to say goodbye"-Secondhand Serenade

Today, I met the very distant relatives, some of those whom I don't even see once a year.. They're my mum's cousins and their partners and children. It's some how rather upsetting how the very people who used to meet each other a lot grow apart.. And how their reunions are only possible during wakes and funerals.. And even so, they don't even get the opportunity to speak to each other.. What kinda world do we live in?

She was 97. God bless her soul

What about now?

2010-12-02T20:29:00.000+08:00

"My theory in life: There will always be moment when you come across tactless, mean people like them. But it's really up to you, whether or not you allow them to succeed in bringing you down. So just pull yourself up and don't let them bother you cos they're just playing thier roles in life that will help mould you"-Hanan

And with that, ends the 2 short but kinda fulfilling years of my JC life.. I'm kinda happy.. Then again, I'm kinda sad.. Hah, at times it's not that I don't feel anything just that, I kinda can't quite make up what it is that I feel.. Though I'm hell damn glad that it's finally over, there's hardly a sense of relief.. While on the way to TM with Val just now, I was trying to calm her 'post exam anxiety' but heh, I was experiencing them myself.. I get where she was coming from you know the I-finished-the-paper-but-don't-know-how-I-did thingy.. Ah NO! Too early to start worrying..

I've said before, how I don't regret much of what I've done in these 2 years.. Heh.. Thinking back it's not really that true.. There's actually a couple of very significant things that I regret doing.. Like how I handled some stuffs.. Ah well.. What can I do right? "What's done is done" aye Val?

To remember only the good moments in TPJC

The 'responsible' one

2010-12-01T21:34:00.000+08:00

"Sometimes you just have to be brave. You have to be strong. Sometimes you just can't give in to weak thoughts. You have to beat down those devils that get inside your head and try to make you panic. You struggle along, putting one foot a little bit ahead of the other, hoping that when you go backwards, so that when you start going forwards again you won't have too much to catch up" James Marsden

I've done what I can.

For you I will

2010-11-27T12:47:00.002+08:00

"When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that's why, when you really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant"-Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

Day out with Ling and Ting was awesome, as always.. And yesterday, while I was up, trying to get myself to sleep after watching another splendid episode of Glee which I also thought was the sweetest of em all, I was reminded of the saying "You are who you're with", if I got the phrase correct that is.. Hah, but yeah..

Ling and Ting, HAHA! I'm not sure what to say.. Happy-go-lucky ~~bitches~~ peeches who never ever look like they have any problems or even stress.. Always so hyper! Always so happy! Always so lovable! And I'm glad that I have you two behind me! 5 years and you girls are just getting more awesome than ever.. Past two years showed me a lot on how effort to maintain something that you really treasure can pay off! I'm thankful that we three made that effort cos I guess without the two of you, I'd probably not be have anyone to share my girly problems with.. And without you too, I'd probably be a very miserable girl who isn't able to bounce back from periods of sadness.. I LOVE YOU TWO MANY MANY! And I certainly can't wait for next year's Girlfriend Day at Sentosa! WOOHOO!

Hanan, despite having his problems at home and stuffs, he still manages to put a smile on his face whenever he comes to school and not once did he fail to make me smile when I was down.. He has a silver tongue for sure.. Like he said before, who knew that ten years down the road, we'd be taking the same examination, in the same institution and hey, study together for the exams? Who knew? Somehow, when I'm with you, we start behaving like as if we're still in primary school, don't you think? Haha! And when it came to serious things, you could really sit me down and console me and give me really useful advice about life.. Dude you surprise me sometimes with your insightful-ness sometimes.. You're just awesome and I'm damn thankful for being given the chance to grow up with you! You're like my brother and I love you loads, I swear!

Shab! We only really reconnected this year all thanks to BM.. I feel kinda guilty for not initiating our catch ups cos you were one of those whom I really trusted in secondary school.. You showed me that even when you're sis's giving some problems to your mum and you having to juggle between work and school so that you wouldn't need to burden your family with additional expenses, one could still make time and maintain a very good relationship with her family, mum and baby sister.. I've never told you this but I kinda admire you.. Seriously, you're really one heck of a hard worker! Despite your busy-ness, school, training and work, you still make time for me, every Wednesday morning, to listen to me, whining.. I know that it gets annoying after a while but you still tend to me.. I love you babe!

5/10 years of friendship, forever to go! I love you all, thank you for making me, ME! :)

Cos it's been lingering in my mind for some time

2010-11-25T18:48:00.001+08:00

"Promise to keep in touch, Promise not to forget each other. But it wasn't easy. Before long, our special time together became just another distant memory"-Army Daze

Time flies very quickly doesn't it? It felt like I just started j2 yesterday, no kid.. In actual fact, I've only got one paper left.. Can't help but wonder who I'd still be in touch with after A's.. Yeah plans were made and all but really, are we REALLY gonna stick to it? I don't want andrea to be right, you know the part that "no one ever bothers about their jc friends after school ends.. It's only your secondary school friends that you will stick to".. HAI

"Lemme ask you, are you friends in that level of friendship that you have with wan lin, Yang Ting and me all with ANY of your jc friends? Let's not include any of our secondary school friends in tpjc especially hanan cos he's known you for years"

Oh no I think I'm a worrywart.. On another note, Harry Potter was AWESOME so Val, I don't mind watching it again with you! You fix a date kay :) Hmm.. Got no plans tomorrow since my plans with shikin was squeezed into one day so what to do tomorrow? Bio? ~~Finish WOWP S3?~~ Sleep? Tempted to do anything but study.. See how lah tomorrow..

I miss my brother already

Internet ♥

2010-11-24T12:56:00.003+08:00

"Light up the darkness"-Bob Marley

It's the time of the month again when I hate being a girl.. My monthly subscription to pain arrived this morning so I'm pretty much immobilized.. Can't do much, hence I'm on the computer watching videos on youtube heh.. Waiting for Army Daze to finish loading! WOOHOO! If the cramps still persist till tonight then I think I'll be on the computer all day long.. AWESOME! HAHA! Gonna watch WOWP then.. Or maybe Supernatural, catch Jensen Ackles! HEE..

Anyways, won't be back on the computer at least till Saturday cos I'll be busy going out and lepaking and stuffs with my friends.. Gonna start studying next week heh.. And heh, since I skipped Bio today, because of the cramps, I shall go for the next one, if there is.. OhYEAH! Can't wait! Tomorrow's the busiest day heh Dad gave me the green light to shop! :)

6am: Send my primary 5 bro to the Airport for his Cambodia Trip

8am: Breakfast with Shab and Hanan and Husni :)

10am: Meet Rauhdah to collect today's Bio stuffs

11am: Out with Shikin to shop a little and catch Harry Potter at Bugis

I can't wait for Saturday the most cos I'll finally get to meet my girlfriends after so fcking long! Date at Ice Cream Chefs as usual.. Heh can finally get my Lemon Lime Esprit from ICC which I've been trying to find for ages too at Coffee Bean! YAY~~

Holiday mood already heh shizz

This I Promise You

2010-11-23T23:51:00.000+08:00

"FAMILY= Father And Mother, I Love You"

Was out on a window shopping session with mum and dad yesterday! Sis's at her prom and bro's in his leadership camp so it's only me, mum and dad.. Dad wanted to get a new phone so mum asked whether I wanted to come along.. I had to think of whether I had anything to get before deciding to follow.. Which only made me realise what kinda ungrateful spoilt brat I was.. The idea of me only gg out with them if I had anything to get is sick, and stupid.. I mean, I hardly have anytime for them and when I get these opportunities, I contemplate on throwing them out the window? Outrageous liy! Anyways, it was fun as it always is..

No matter how much my mum nags a day, she's still the best! I can lie on her bed all day sharing stories about friends or stuff on the news! No matter how much my dad complains about bills and stuffs and how he likes to give his random and long religious speeches, I think he's still the coolest dad ever! Which other dad owns a psp and talks about new games with his kids? I am one lucky kid living a decent enough and comfortable life and my parents are always at home, so what more would I ask for? So note to self: Please be more appreciative and stop being such a spoilt kid. Pampered is ok heh

On another note, hanan came over this afternoon and we had an awesome talk while working on his mum's present.. And he agreed that my new watch, which I feel like naming Albert, is awesome! Woohoo! But I feel more guilty than ever with the way I've treating him over the past nine, almost ten years of knowing him.. Especially for purposefully not being there for him when he needed someone to talk to the most just because of a small thing.. I'm so mean

I am determined to be a better daughter and friend to my parents and to all my friends especially my bestfriends, you know who you are :)

Petty Shit's gotta go

2010-11-20T16:13:00.002+08:00

"So love the people who treat you right, forget about the pnes who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Eventually feels a lot better than actually." Grey's Anatomy

It's yet another weekend spent at home preparing for upcoming papers.. For this week, had to skip dad's family day at the Singapore flyer.. Pretty upset about it, not cos it's singapore flyer, the place is omg can it be any more boring like that.. But rather the idea of having to miss out on yet another family outing.. Damn you A levels.

Kinda feeling pretty shitty also cos yesterday, I got into a little disagreement with hanan.. Whatever it's about, I'll take it that I was being petty.. And I guess that me being harsh on him was a little selfish especially with what we're gg through.. I'd take the blame regardless in that way cos I think it is the best solution to every problem.. I can say that they've worked so far, manage to keep my relationships with people tgt.. HAI, I won't want things to go sour between us, he's like my brother!

Note to self: Stop being petty, and perhaps even selfish! And please stop letting the views of others get to you, you know what I'm referring to!

Stop blindly listening, start thinking

Planning in progress

2010-11-18T13:03:00.000+08:00

"I want to fix that in my memory forever"-Ron Weasley

This is an open invitation to anybody and everybody! Who wants to go watch Harry Potter with me next week? Please.. I got no friend.. Shab pangsey me :( please sms mehhh!

Wasted the whole day yesterday raya~ing heh but it was cool, half the day that is.. As usual, I love any hari raya cos my mum and my aunt will be cook a delicious spread of food! Lontong + ayam masak merah + rendang + sambal telur + sambal goreng! All the fats but hey, once a year man! My favourite one's got to be ayam masak merah! Sebat ah! :)

Anyways, yesterday, my cousin was sharing her USS experience and damn I feel like gg too! But like expensive ah.. And plus, the CSI showcase down at Science Centre also like cool like that.. But again, expensive ah.. I need to plan my after As schedule or else I'll probably find myself staring into blank space, bored senseless like what happened after Os.. HAI

New blue watch heh I like!

You and Me, It's Over

2010-11-16T14:25:00.005+08:00

"You're probably the reason why we are all born with middle fingers"

How could you do this to me? I gave everything for this to work out but NOOO you just have to be a big biatch about it.. Two consecutive weeks of you being such a mean ass you know.. It hurts.. I get it and I'll admit it, when we didn't work out the last time, I only have myself to blame for not putting in much effort and dedicating enough time for you.. But you can't blame me this time round cos I did everything I could to salvage the little bits that we still had.. You can't deny that I spent a whole lot more time with you.. Everyday, every freaking day and this is what I end up with?

You know, I really thought that our relationship could work this time.. You were definitely a whole lot nicer these past 2 months.. And I was glad that we could finally get along.. Then you just have to pull me a stunner, totally catching me off guard, TWICE.. Why? I just want to know why.. Why must you be so mean? Fck lah, when we meet next week, imma tell you in your face that we are OVER..

Geddit Chemistry?!

Namira: Cambridge, why you no like ionic equilibria, periodicity, chem equilibria, thermochemistry, electrochemistry and organic chemistry I memorise like fhjakdfhsdjkvnsjk you know! they form the basis of chemistry but noooooo PROTEINS ALL THE WAY. - Damn straight.. WTF man!

Home is where the heart is

2010-11-14T16:08:00.004+08:00

"I guess it's typical to cling on to memories you'll never get back"

Today, I learnt that one of my grandaunts has been diagnosed with third stage breast cancer. She's only got 6 months to a year left. Though I'm not close to her, I can't help but feel sad cos as a kid spending all of my time at my aunt's, she would come along and bring her children and grandchildren and all of us kids would play together. When I was a kid, we were one really big family. Dear God bless her soul and please don't let spend her remaining days having to bear the pain. Please let her leave this world with a smile on her face and forgive her for all her sins. Please, as of now, this is the only thing that I'm asking for.

Always have been and always will be family

WEE!

2010-11-13T14:17:00.004+08:00

"Let's get together and feel alright. As it was in the beginning. So shall be in the end. All right!"
-Glee on Bob Marley, One Love/People Get Ready

My second favourite cover of Teenage Dream and it's from GLEE! So extra bonus points heh! And the dude on the left of Blaine on the middle row is kinda cute aha! But, he still can't beat Josh Kloss, the dude in Katy Perry's Teenage Dream vid who plays her boyfriend.. AH HOTNESS!

Ah gotta get back to Chem. Need to do well for Paper 2 since paper 3 kicked my butt hard *_* Damn, yesterday's awesome dinner at Swens with La Familia's causing me fall sick today.. Oh fondue, thanks very much!

doh

hellyeah!

2010-11-12T16:21:00.005+08:00

"You know what pisses me off the most? No matter how angry I am at you, all you have to do is hug me and it all goes away"

Holahhh! I feel damn awesome today! Heh, it's finally the end of the most stressful week I've ever had in my entire life and I in my opinion, I think it ended pretty well.. Not to action of what but being able to complete this morning's maths paper and still have time to check and correct my countless careless mistakes that I made is (Y)! But I can't be too confident though.. Maybe I made many more mistakes but didn't spot them.. And who knows how the MOE people are gonna shift the bloody bell curve.. SUCK BALLZ HAI, I'm really gonna miss Maths.. It's been my favourite subject since forever~~ :(

Anyways, today, Emm helped too boost the awesomeness meter by aggreeing to accompany me go get lunch from Pizza Hut after the maths paper before he left for his prayers.. The Beef Lasagne was icky and I hated it but :) I kinda feel guilty cos.. But :) HAHA! Heh, and I just woke up from a long long nap.. And now, imma dl this week's ep of Glee as well as Deathly Hallows and maybe a couple of other movies or tv series like Reaper or White Collar that I'd watch after I'm completely done with A's.. HALFWAY THROUGH ALREADY FCKYEAHAWESOMENESS!! Dinner tonight can't wait!

I shouldn't have, and I really think we should keep our distance but..

Because of You!

2010-11-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

"Never ignore a person who loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars."

This week's probably the most emotional week I've had in sometime.. Just yesterday, my kid cousin bonked his head against the edge of a glass table and landed himself in hospital to get his head glued.. Today, someone killed himself by jumping off the block next to mine.. And a good friend confessed that she has a girlfriend, something that I never saw coming.. And hello you, I am stilll in great shock just so you know.. More significantly, A's is putting me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions..

But I'm a lucky girl and I've never felt so grateful to have such wonderful friends to cheer me up and encourage me when all seems bleak.. Last night, hanan called to check on me to see if I was still feeling down and honestly, I almost broke down again while talking to him, thinking of the state that I was in, but I held it together upon hearing the stuffs that he said.. He even paid me a visit this afternoon! And on friday night, Emm was nice enough to call me up.. I shall not call him Pantat for now cos he was being such a sweetheart cracking me up with his lame jokes.. I love them both! Who needs a bf when you've got these boys watching out for you? Heh And to my girlfriends too for the really touching messages and megahugs! Thanks ♥! Today, mum's extra awesome for getting Macs for breakfast and cooking spaghetti for lunch! ♥ Next week, in hell week beginning tuesday, the papers ain't gonna kill me, imma kill em instead!

If there's one thing that I will never regret doing, it's my decision to safelock all of you in my heart

Losing Grip

2010-11-05T11:09:00.006+08:00

"All I got is dreams, nobody else can see. Nobody else believes, nobody else but me. Where are you victory? I need you desperately. Not just for the moment to make history."-Jay-Z, History

Really bad nervous breakdown last night.. I just couldn't help it.. I feel so vulnerable.. Like I'm a useless person, like a stupid and slow student.. I've never been so scared for life, my future.. This just sucks big time, you know that feeling that you don't know whether you've done enough to finally get what you want.. This time round, I've definitely put in a whole lot more effort..

But is it enough? I have this feeling that it's not.. I don't want it to be a repeat of the other school exams where I've tried real hard but it doesn't show in exams.. No, please not for A levels! I don't wanna come back for a third, neither do I want to not have anywhere to go.. What if that happens? I can't take this.. I can't take the stress, it's already too much for me.. Please I just want this to be over

Can't remember the last time I cried so hard for feeling vulnerable

♥

2010-11-04T19:35:00.002+08:00

"That's what friends do. Friends fight and miscommunicate. Cos that's how friends learn more about each other. They learn of the boundaries and then they learn to respect such boundaries"-Syab

"Friendship requires work and effort. If you don't bother to work on it, don't take the effort to hang out and chat every now and then, then it's not gonna work"-Val

Wise words that I shall always remember :)
It's not gonna matter anymore what you said, how you see the future's gonna be like.. No, I'm not dumb.. Yes, I am suspicious.. So if we really are, don't just say it, prove it..

Study session and lunch with my 2 favourite schoolmates ♥

Bad bad

2010-11-03T23:09:00.002+08:00

"I act differently around different people. Mind you, I'm not fake. I just have my own comfort zone. That's why I only can completelybe myself when I'm with people I'm comfortable with."

Heh I got this from Bon's twitter: I'm only raw to people I like and respect. Other than that I'll two-face you sooooo hard

Hah! Best! Kinda true lah actually.. Heh.. I realise that I'm actually quite harsh and vulgar when I'm pissed.. Even if it's over something small.. Well, on another note, I finally realise why I've never gotten the right hand grip rule correct.. It's cos I use my left hand.. Damn dumb sia Liyana! HAI!

Seeing hanan do physics just now made me realise how much I miss secondary school.. Everything was carefree back then.. School was fun as hell! Breakfast in class, pregnant elmo and luohan pooh.. Rofl with tay in maths.. Pen wars.. More boys! HAI We made this joke up about how it was impossible to get a U grade in secondary school but in jc, the U grades keep on flying at you.. HAHA!! Really, no matter how hard you "tried" to get a U in secondary school, you never get it.. HAI!

HAHA! Funny Shit! EPIC FAIL!

Maybe I should have

I hope I still have time

2010-11-02T16:26:00.000+08:00

"It's easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their past, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only a tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often then not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul"- Sherrilyn Kenyon

A friend asked "if you could choose, would you murtad?" I haven't thought about it, which is a good sign but after that it kept me thinking.. Couldn't concentrate on bio heh.. But really, having thought through it, actually it didn't take me that long to decide no I won't ever, nauzubillah.. It's not that I don't believe that god exists.. Or else how would this universe be created? And then why too, would we be working our asses off? In whatever different interpretations there can be, I still believe in what I practice.. And I respect the other beliefs too.. Just that I get really frustrated whenever people discuss too much about.. In everyday convos, to lesson time.. It's no offence, annoying.. Yeah, they say that one should think of god everytime.. But not everyone shares the same belief and not everyone is pro religion.. It's these small talk that gets me started on the what ifs and the why nots.. And when I start asking questions, idk, somehow, I waver and I so do not like it..

I'll admit, my faith is not strong.. Maybe I'm guilty for not doing anything about it and please know that I'm not proud of it.. That's why I don't say it out loud, at least not to people who don't know me KNOW me.. Neither would I engage in religious discussions.. For now, that's how it's probably gonna be.. Try and not miss my prayers and do them as sincerely as possible and don't consume those obviously prohibited foods.. Am I gonna continue living this way? I hope not.. I don't wanna die a sinner.. That's way worse than dying a non-believer..

Religion is afterall up to one's discretion; Between one's self and Him. Who are we to say who's the biggest sinner in the entire world?

So Damn High

2010-11-01T19:44:00.000+08:00

"The power of imagination makes us infinite"-John Muir

Was at subway to accompany Val get her dinner this afternoon when I saw this kinda goodlooking SR student studying.. I think he's in j2 cos why else will he still be studying right? Heh.. It was like 5 seconds of admiration then HAHA!! I divert my attention to smthg else.. Why can't tpj have goodlooking guys like that? haiyo! Anyways, today was a really productive day! I like! Study with val better than study with hanan.. *coughs* can concentrate more *coughs* :P

ah shizz, I'm craving for kfc.. Gonna grow fatter.. Hmm one of these days after school? :) Gonna go back to history!

Piu piu! Catch ups are awesome!

Let's Do TheTime Warp

2010-10-31T16:33:00.002+08:00

It's astounding

Time is fleeting

Madness, takes its toll

But listen closely

Not for very much longer

I've got to keep control

Eh Liy! Can I join your Glee Season 2 Marathon? PLEASE! Heh, I don't mind re-watching the episodes SHIOK!

Kurt Hummel & Sam ♥

Zonkers

2010-10-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

"I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens"-Charlie Brown

I take back saying that I'm on a blogger hiatus.. I talk and think too much heh.. But I'm still on fb hiatus though.. It's so boring Anyways, bestfriend got his ns enlistment already and he got tekong, army.. Yeap, so he'll be gg in on the 10th of feb.. I'm really gonna miss him.. *sighs* one less person to talk to.. I bet his weekends are gonna be spent on his gf so.. Haiyah.. It's ok.. I still have tay and Ting and shab.. Hmm but they'll be in school.. HAIYAH! Oh, unfortunately, hanan lost his pair of vans today.. Apparently while people were busy praying, somebody else was busy stealing shoes.. I hope these person breaks his leg or smthg.. fcbps!

Damn, I'm zonked out.. It's just been a week, 5 days of slogging my guts out and I'm fcking tired.. Never worked this hard before and never wanna go through this again! On the bright side, lunch sessions has been great! Great cos I really get to unwind and take my mind off schoolwork even if it's just for an hour or so.. Yeah, I guess miss those times where we could just hang out and talk about anything under the sun and laugh like it's nobody's business.. Like the old times when everybody was ok with everybody else..

Prone to freudian slips DAMN

Liyana will be back, I promise she will

2010-10-27T19:02:00.003+08:00

"So yes, I laughed. I laughed at the pain and the futility and the frustrarion and the heartache to keep it separate from me. And while it may seem like insanity to you, it is the thing that prevents it, from me"

HI! Been studying in the library for the past three days now and it's been so far so good.. Especially now that the annoying j1s are not 'lepakking' in the library anymore.. Anyways, I'm planning to go on a facebook and blogger hiatus.. I'll still be on twitter though, heh but may not be updating as often.. :) I like twitter! Heh, I can say things that I can't say here or fb which a lot of people can see.. And hardly anyone has access to my twitter since I privatised it :) and with my temper soaring to a new high these days, twitter is good! And I'm even sacrificing Glee-full Wednesdays by putting it on momentary hold.. Oh my, what's becoming of me? HAHA! oh well, I can't wait for tomorrow! Finally get to see my friends! Wish me luck for As!

Oh Big thanks to LINGYANGTING for today and SYEDHANANHANEYALHUSAINI too! And NURSHABRINABTEMUSTAKIM for breakfast, heh!

I think I did it again x| oh fck

Why me?

2010-10-25T17:57:00.000+08:00

"Do it once and do it well"

Was on the bus on the way to school today when I realised the kinda shitty A levels timetable I have. I swear, it's like mad FCK.. In the first four days, I'll be having Chem3, GP1, GP2, Bio2, Maths1, History, Maths2.. That's like fcking 7 papers in 4 days! Then then Monday is Chem2.. Then got a week to study Bio3 and chem1. Dumbest of all, I have 10 stupid days to study for Bio1.. The shit seyh! Hanan, who has a better timetable then me finish on the 23rd while I finish on the 2nd of Dec.. I would like to kill the person who freaking set the timetable.. HEARTLESS YKNOW I SWEAR! cb, my hands gonna break by the end of the 2nd day ah! -Eh shizz, forgot about Val, oh crap!

I might just go bonkers

What if?

2010-10-24T00:56:00.001+08:00

So do whatever it takes

'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life

Let nothing stand in your way

'Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last?

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?

Reminisce old memories?

Would you forgive your enemies?

Please don't take me away just yet

Not a final goodbye, I hope

2010-10-22T18:17:00.002+08:00

"All endings are also beginnings" -Mitch Albom

So today marked the end of a very stressful two years of my life that was nevertheless frustrating in many ways, but also rather meaningful given the many different events that occurred.. I guess in these two years, I grew up a lot.. I learnt to never assume the best in people and to treasure the little moments that I was given to have fun and let loose.. Hell, I learnt a lot! Really, I think I'm a lot less immature than I was.. Possibly a little less petty, that I can't be too sure but definitely a lot less short tempered.. Kay maybe I'm still a little temperamental every now and them but hey, I'd say that I've found myself a new level of patience.. I'm nicer to Nad and Niro this year, no doubt.. And I got closer to the one person whom I couldn't stand last year and realised that there's actually a lot more to her, that she's AWESOME! hoho!

This year too, I became closer to Val! It's especially towards the end of the year that I spent a lot of time talking to her and hanging out with her! Of course I wouldn't forget Shikin who's been my Awesome friend, companion and my shoulder to cry on since last year! And Syab, my go home buddy with Raf too! Bus rides are never boring with you two! Even the quiet bus rides when all three of us were tired.. And Liy for being the person I can depend on to give me "wise words" when my mind's a mess.. And of course, my kickass bestfriend Hanan for always being there for me when I needed him for help with maths or chem or anything at all! It's really these two years that our friendship was solidified and strengthened or whatever, heh I don't know how to say it..

These people are awesome and there are many more awesome people who made my JC life hellyeahawesome like Andrea, BM, ZY, Mai, Sharifah, Germs and my hockey juniors, Shila, Azam, Faiq and etc.. So really, I wouldn't complain about the 2 JC years being sucky cos I've got these great memories and I got to know all these great friends..

And though I'd prefer a class with more boys, I think I'm pretty much satisfied with 09S03.. Yeah through it all, I think we have good team work, especially when it comes to sports and stuffs.. Hell yeah we even dominate SPE HAHA! And all those little hang out sessions and mini outings (Kite flying aka Picnic, lunch outings, dinner before Night Study Programmeetc) that we have as a smaller group, yeah I love them all! Not all other classes are fortunate enough to have such great and outgg classmates.. I love and will definitely miss TPJC for sure!

Can we maintain our friendship even after As, PLEASE? :]

Boys: She's The Man

2010-10-21T22:31:00.001+08:00

"My plan is to forgive and forget; forgive myself for being so stupid, and forget that you ever existed"

Supp! I was called a dog today by her royal highness.. And I was accused of making someone "my dog".. So it goes like this, I offered help to a friend to carry her stuffs since she wanted to go get her coffee.. Since she was on her way to the canteen, why not she help my get a packet of milo? And tada, the labelling came.. Well if these were said a couple of months back, hell, i'd break out in a slew of vulgarities (but behind her back ah cos I don't dare say to her face HAHA!!) but, there's only two days of schoolleft.. And ONLY two days of her.. :) heh.. My two friends were stunned cos all of three of us thought that it (wrt the name-calling, labelling etc) had stopped and so they were waiting for me to retaliate but no worries, I knew better than to waste my time and energy being pissed at her.. I took things calmly.. Heh.. Good job liy! Knowing that I have an army behind my back, for what retaliate?

Oh wells, I was having this convo yesterday with my friends and I concluded that I will not change anything in my two years of jc life.. Regardless of what's happened, except for my lack of self control about a week ago, I think I'm pretty much satisfied with the way things are.. I made awesome friends whom I will remember for my entire life and would like to stay in touch with after As.. Yeah there were the ups and the downs but hey, that's life right? :)

I am determined not to shed a tear tomorrow! Lets go liy!

:)

2010-10-18T16:32:00.001+08:00

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." -Ed Cunningham

HOHO! It's times like these when I feel like I'm the luckiest person alive.. Heh.. Last night before gg to bed, received a really sweet msg from Val.. This morning, I woke up to another one from Hanan.. Then I checked my Tagboard then I got two msgs from my darlings.. Heh.. I like! Eh I think I should be depressed more often.. Heh..

But hey, I'm fine now.. You guys don't need to worry too much kay.. Come what may, I'll be fine one lah.. Where got I depressed for so long one? Heh.. I made myself another yellow egg when I was eating Maggie and PASS! Never break.. So my conclusion is that the auntie make the egg a bit too soft.. Heh.. Gonna eat Mee Bandung again maybe Thursday! Or tomorrow! Then I tell you how, heh whether I cry again or not.. But no lah I won't HAHAHAHA!!

Tay and Ting: Yeah I know, HAHA! I like to overthink things and no lah, I was just saying those things.. But I didnt mean anything.. Don't worry, I'll make my own decisions from now.. Oh Oh.. Sorry Ting that I couldnt make it for Saturday.. Locked at home urh.. BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! I hope you at least liked the mini surprise that we gave you on Thurs! I've got a brilliant plan, after my A's, I blanja the you to a small cup of Ice Cream Chefs how bout that? And then I'll get the ICC cup that I owe Tay also.. How how how? Heh.. I'm in a charitable mood.. HAHA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINGYANGTING!

Hee, I can't wait for school to end!

Best form of medication-Laughter

2010-10-17T13:57:00.001+08:00

"Everything happens for a reason. The hard part is finding out what that reason is"

Mum said I can't touch the computer.. So technically, I'm not breaking any rules.. Just bending it a little.. Heh.. Blogging through my phone.. Smartphones ftw baby!

Anyways, woke up this morning feeling light headed.. My headache's back.. And so is my diarrhea.. Bleargh and my cough is just getting worse.. Thought of pon-ning school tomorrow just cos there's like gp and it'll be a total waste of time.. But, looks like I'm really gonna be sick for real.. I got what I asked for.. How come I don't get the other things that I asked for? Aiyo!

Oh and I was kinda having a bad week or whatever cos of the headache and no PE and certainly my Yellow Egg then I came across the vid above which threw out all my unhappiness.. HAHAHA! FREAKING FUNNY.. So I thought I'd share.. Heh Oh oh, hanan's calling, got to go!

Vulnerability, you suck

How would you know what's best?

2010-10-16T22:11:00.007+08:00

"I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all" -Janet Fitch

Sometimes, I feel like it's a whole lot better to be mean than actually be nice.. It's easier, I think.. Funny huh? But really, I'm not kidding.. You know how it's like when you do something good and people actually stop, smirk and ask "why you so nice today ah?" and they actually wait to get an answer.. Not that I mind it, it's kinda like a joke you know.. So I decide to just stone and not do anything.. BUT.. People still ask, "Why are you stoning?" or "why you so quiet today?" or worse "why you so emo today?" and again, they wait for a reply.. But then when I do something mean, they would only say " woah! You so mean!".. And that's that.. So idk.. Being mean saves the hassle of having to answer such questions..

What's my point? Nothing actually.. I've got no idea what I'm talking about.. Took so long to read a load of crap..

So I was sitting on my bed this morning thinking, what if she's right? What if her mum is right? Oh hell no! Cos if that is happening, then it means that I'm gg over to the dark side.. She isn't exactly a good example, no offence.. As in I don't agree with most of her principles and her ways.. Like throwing friends out the window (no not literally) because they just don't see eye to eye with her and stuffs alike.. But there is some truth in whatever was said on friday.. Actually, I see a lot of truth in it.. So what now? Oh damn..

Ah wells, imma go sulk one corner with my chocolates, eat myself fat and do some self reflections

I'm Sorry

2010-10-15T16:06:00.009+08:00

Dear you,

This has been bugging me since it happened and I feel like fck.. And it's not helping, the fact that different people are saying almost different things.. In fact, it's made it worse.. You know, if I could turn back time, I'd really take back all the things that I've said.. I don't even care if you think that honesty's the best policy cause as of now, as of what's happening now, I'd rather lie than tell you the truth.. Now I can't even look at you without feeling guilty..

No, I'm not a confrontational person, I swear.. I don't like to make people doubt themselves or even cry for that matter.. Hell, I'd feel a million times crappier if what I said the other day.. .. .. I'd keep things to myself rather than to express it out.. And even if I did express it, it'll be done here, on my blog but then I'll let it go.. Thing is.. If I could let it pass previous times, why can't I do it the other day, why must I be so extra and petty? That's the one question that's been playing on my mind for so long.. Yet, I still have got no answer to it..

Yes, I'll admit, I was encouraged to "do the right thing" by the person that I've never ever listened to.. But no.. I'm not gonna blame her for it cos after all, she only said her piece and I should have known better knowing the state she was in.. It was me who did the talking.. Me who pressed the red button without fully thinking of the consequences.. I made that choice and it's totally myself who is to be blamed for how it turned out.. No matter how you look at it, I just can't help but feel guilty..

You're one of the first few people whom I grew comfortable with.. I still remember the first time that we breakfast/lunch-ed together and it was still damn awkward.. So we started talking about the all unpopular politics.. Malaysian politics at that and how Singapore might not be as successful if we had stayed on in Malaysia.. Then somehow, we got to Wicked Wednesdays.. It's weird that I remember all these things but hey, these are the things that I never want to forget and give up.. And I don't want these small shits to happen to destroy such awfully weird but at the same time great memories that we shared.. Like Tour De East..

Sad thing is that it had to happen a week before the end of our JC years.. Not that I was expecting it to happen any earlier or anything.. It would just be wasted if our friendship just went down the drain because I made the wrong choice.. I really have got no idea how things are gonna be like.. But I'm just really really really hoping that it will change for the better..

I just want you to know that I'm really sorry, and I'm utterly remorseful for what has happened..

Toxic

2010-10-13T15:33:00.003+08:00

My favourite glee song thus far! Puck is :)
But I hate Will Schuester lah..

YANGTING! You should faster watch Season 1 until finish then start on Season 2! It is a lot better! Once you watch ah, I tell you, Season 1 like PSLE, small fry! HAHA!!

Anyways, I love wednesdays! Had my usual breakfast with shab.. Hanan best, pangsey us then never come school.. Other than that.. School ends at 11.30.. The weather is always a lot nicer.. And there a new episode of GLEE! I like! Tomorrow's gonna be a good day as well.. Heh.. Gonna meet Tay to go eat Yogurt.. Plus! FCBPS MC will not be in school tomorrow! yahoo-la-hay! :) and gonna give a surprise to germs tomorrow.. And it's shazni's birthday on Friday! ~~

1 confession:

>I used to think that half truths are better than no truths.. So like Tay says, word twists are alright.. But then.. I tend to keep stuffs to myself.. It's like building a reservoir like that.. So what's my confession? Well, I think I think too much..

It's more convenient to lie than tell the truth sometimes

bleargh!

2010-10-12T18:13:00.001+08:00

"Honesty is honestly the hardest thing for me right now"-Kris Allen

I have a very interesting story to share today.. Well, guess what.. I cried in school today.. Now, wait for it.. I cried, cos *pause* I FRIGGING BROKE MY YELLOW EGG THAT PART! Best right! Perfect reason to cry.. Dendengzz seyh Liyana! So KENTZZ! Ok fine so that was probably one of the reasons why I cried.. There's a lot more to it but I swear, the yellow egg breaking is also an important factor.. I just started tearing up.. Here's what happened:

Me: (Before eating my Mee Bandung) Eh I'm damn depressed.. So if my yellow egg break, Imma cry.. Just so you all know

(Yellow egg break liao!)

Val: Oh no! You broke it! Quick quick eat!

Rauhdah: Are you really gonna cry?

Me: Well.. *tears filled up then WOOSH!* TISSUE TISSUE!

Val and Raf: TAKE TAKE FASTER TAKE!

Then I just burst out in laughter.. It was barely a minute of crying but still.. I just couldn't help it.. I was already upset that I didn't get to play volleyball! Haiyer.. But it didn't make me feel any much better.. So.. sucks to be me! Oh I've got a frigging Owhchehk (haha! don't know how to spell) on my thumb from serving but it's well worth it.. On the other side, I had another good chat with Val today.. Hah! Shiok man! Ah what will I do without Val heh.. Plus Hanan also ah.. He was nice enough to layan me during history while I was pondering over some stuffs.. The two of them can make me feel better!

Gonna go do chem now.. But before I go

Day 9: 2 Smileys that describe my life right now

> x|

> *_*

It was only half the reservoir.. Dah ah, staple then continue to takung banyak2 lagi best!

But I Still Care

2010-10-09T10:37:00.000+08:00

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances"

-Martha Washington

HEY! Sorry bout yesterday.. I guess I was disappointed with what had happened. I don't know.. Probably placed too much confidence on one cos I trusted her, maybe a little too much to be nice, I guess? I don't know.. But the disappointment's still there.. As for the other, I've got nothing else to say except for the fact that I've lost total respect for her after what she's done to my friends numerous times.. Oh wells, what to do? Sometimes you're being treated nicely, sometimes you don't.. It certainly hasn't subsided yet but I've got this weekend to sort things out, my mixed emotions and what I'm gonna do on Monday when school starts again.. Sucks to be me

Anyways, before I rush off having thought through this matter overnight, to "someone" aka LYT, I haven't forgotten yet.. So here you go :)

Day 8: 3 Turn Ons

>Dimples!

>Awesome smell of course

>heh, the lean mean body.. HAHAHA! Thomas Pichler, the Aussie Gymnast iz :)

You can't explain human behaviour just as much

Cos You Can Step On Me

2010-10-08T16:56:00.002+08:00

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. You belive lies so you eventually learn to trust nobody but yourslef. And sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together."- Marilyn Monroe

No one has the right to snap at other people. Seriously. No amount of stress, personal problems or disease will ever entitle anyone to the liberty of snapping at other people, especially if he/she hasn't done anything wrong and in fact, approached very nicely.. I resent this greatly! So what if you're having problems? You mean I don't? Do you really think that you're the only "lucky" one to be having a bad day and others are not as "lucky" as you? Ah, what the heck right? It's not as if you're at all bothered about anything that's happening to the people around you.. It always you, you and more you.. Oh, I've got a good record. Or Oh I failed this shit.. So what, really, so what?

If all animals should die, then I suppose the self professed Bitch should go and die first cos dear bitch, your assumptions are greatly flawed, well done!

Perception

2010-10-06T13:19:00.000+08:00

"Everybody lies. The only variable is about what."-Gregory House, House M.D.

Hi! School ended early today since there’s no H1 IR for me.. So here I am, waiting for my 3rd ep of Glee to dl.. Heh anyways, More importantly, early this week, I’ve learnt that how one perceives herself to be may not necessarily be how others see her as.. Now I’m using ‘her’ cos most people I hang out with nowadays are girls, not to point to anyone in particular. So yeah.. I think that’s scary.. To think that I am nice but others refute that claim, often times if it too unfounded, citing various examples along the way..

It is the same way as how the bitch herself may see herself as a nice person in a way.. But I guess what’s scary is the fact that sometimes, you don’t even know that other people are thinking otherwise.. You think you’re all fine but actually, there are lots of disgruntled people out there who are just bearing their bitterness, waiting for the right time to strike back..

I’ve to admit, first time I heard the story, I was quite shocked.. Then I went home to think about it and I saw some truth in it, sadly.. And that’s where it gets dangerous, when people not just a person feels that way..

Bleargh all these talk is making me feel paranoid.. Worse thing is, I'm letting people's opinions affect me.. I know I'm selectively nice.. But I hope that I'm not too bad, or as bad.. Cos, it's not pleasant to my ears in any way..

A lie is a lie, even if it is a white lie, intended to protect the feelings of others.. I feel bad.. But would I be doing right by confessing? HELP! I dont know..

Day 7

2010-09-22T17:41:00.000+08:00

It's so hard to smile these days :(

Four turn offs

>Bad BO

>Ciggs

>Big Ego

>Very quiet and shy

Hi! Today is also another depressing day. My chem results are bleargh.. I failed P2 really badly. Though my other papers were able to pull me up, I still feel shit about it.. Shows that I'm still really ill-prepared.. I felt like crying when I saw my P2.. To make things worse, I learnt that I had said something absolutely wrong last week when I bumped into a friend.. See lah! Never read newspaper.. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?

On another note, caught Devil today with my best buddies, Hanan and BM.. Last movie before A levels.. It is AWESOME! And it helped to ease my mind off things.. But, I guess was wrong.. Hanan was right =_= WHY? haha!! Kay nvm.. Need to start studying already.. A lot to catch up on.. Tomorrow Bio and GP, ALAHAI!

Losing grip

Day 6

2010-09-21T18:13:00.002+08:00

Spongebob never fails to make me smile :)

Five groups of people who mean a lot

>Parents

>Bestest Best Friend aka My Arab Brother, Hanan

>Girlfriends, Ling and Ting

>Good and trusted friends :)

>Rest of the family, minus the paternals

"Mathematics may not teach us how to inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide, or to love a friend and forgive an enemy. But it gives us every reason to hope that every problem has a solution"

-But what if I can't even solve a Math problem? Does that mean that I'm doomed for failure in life?

Today has got to be the most depressing day of my life. Got back Maths P1 results and it's shitty, I failed, with a U grade.. And the reason why I am utmost upset this time round is due to the fact that I actually tried really hard for it.. And we're so close to A levels already yet I'm still performing like this.. I can still pass Maths overall but that would mean that I have to score a lot better for P2.. Like Mrs Koh once said, I'm neither here nor there.. Not a failure nor an outstanding student so the teachers won't pay much attention to me so all I need to do is to practice more on my own.. True, but when I get such a result, damn, mood gone.. Weather's not helping either.. What is wrong with the weather these days? It's either too extremely warm or humid.. Eitherways, doesnt help..

Bleargh, MOE should give me a PE test.. I think I'll do really well for it.. I just do better at picking up sports than my studies.. WTF is up with me? I have this sucky feeling that all my other subjects are gonna be the same.. Even Chem.. So what if I'm the most improved kid in class for Chem? I know that I screwed P2 up.. So I'm as good as dead.. Prolly just borderline passed it.. Besides, cohort remarks have been bad, really bad! *sighs*

Perhaps, I am as far a feeling beyond demoralised.

Day 5

2010-09-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

GAHH! It's tomorrow!

Six things I wish I hadn't done

>Buy stuffs unnecessarily.. Half of which I dont even use

>Eat a lot especially after training has stopped

>Screw up exams over and over again

>Get involved with your problems

>Be really intentionally insensitive to some people

>Stay for 4 years of Teens aLIVE, serious waste of time

HOHO! I iz a happy girl today! But I only think that it'll be today.. Bleargh, there's classes tomorrow.. Starts with PE.. Ok urh.. Just that.. Haiyo.. PE after so long of not doing any physical activities a bit.. Bleargh, gonna go start doing Chem corrections.. God knows if I can finish em in time for lessons..

Yeah, who am I right? Easily forgettable.. Hypocrites.

Day 4

2010-09-18T19:32:00.000+08:00

Looks real good! (Y)

Seven things that crosses the mind a lot

>Food!

>School =_=

>TeeVee

>How I'm "lucky" enough to be related to.. x/

>Am I good enough?

>Free days where I can squeeze in a brief outing with my bestfriends!

>Nothing.

Hello! So I watched The Last Song today. It's boring.. Maybe cos I just practically dislike Miley Cyrus.. She keeps making this weird faces and it's simply unbearable.. Didnt cry as I thought I would.. Hmm.. Up next is Toy Story 3 and Step Up 3 which I'll try squeeze in some other time.. Just dont have any mood these days..

Anyways, so yesterday, I was in a very very bad mood.. I guess it's cos of IT.. I just felt like I could burst in a slew of vulgarities and mockeries at any time.. But thank god bestfriend was there to calm things down.. I always feel better when he's around.. :) Anyways, had great fun Raya-ing yesterday despite the bad weather and all.. Got to save up some extra moohlahs for maybe the future? I dont know haha dont quite need it.. Hah! First time I actually dont need to worry about money for my own added unnecessary expenses.. Ok I'm gonna start hitting the books.. Gonna be Raya-ing with the Amazeballs cousins tomorrow WOOHOO! More collection! Saving all of em babeyh!

To treasure the time we have with the loved ones, family and friends and all

Day 3

2010-09-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

I wanna go on a hot air balloon someday.. Cos it's cool like that.

Eight ways to win the heart:

>Smell good, all the time!
>Send really nice texts heh :)
>Smile and just smile
>Oh, surprises!
>Ultimately, just be there when I need a listening ear

Heh, actually I dont know.. Cos you know, when you set all these standards for others and yourself to live by, it's either you'll get disappointed or you just forget them.. heh I dont know.. When time comes, yeah.. So I've only got 5.. Heh..

Anyways, great fun today! I got to spend today with the greatest 3 people in the entire world! Got to catch Resident Evil 4 which was really great when it was good with my bestest best friend Hanan as planned 4 months before the movie was released, and go crazy over at Hershey's Chocolate World. And and and! Got to catch an awesome thriller movie from 1997 called Cube with my Awesome girlfriend Ling and altogether with Awesome girlfriend Ting, we had a mini Yogurt date! :) YIPEE-KA-YAY! I love today, despite having sat for a ridiculously challenging Maths Paper.

Goodnight world! Today, I fulfilled my desire to spend time with my 3 favourite people! Thank you for today!

Day 2

2010-09-14T22:27:00.001+08:00

Heh :)

Nine things about ME:

>I cry in movies, A LOT

>I like and treasure handmade gifts a lot more, especially cards. I keep all the cards and messages that I've been receiving since Kindergarten. :)

>I iz very Kaypo. Heh.

>I have a very short attention span

>My fav activity is to eat, though I'm rather self conscious about my weight. I won't lie, I have weight issues.

>I have a serious phobia for dogs. Bleargh.

>There will be times when I just go quiet and I don't feel like engaging in any conversation whatsoever.

>I like the colours Grey>Blue>Red and the number 3!

>When I was younger, whenever I was at the MRT station, my mind would play scenes of me trying to jump over the tracks.

TomorrowTomorrow!

Day 1

2010-09-13T13:38:00.003+08:00

Heh, reminds me of Alisha! :)

Ten Things to Say to 10 People:

>Hi! I take the bus at 7.05 partly cos of you. Heh.

>Well, technically, I didnt make that promise. So can I not tell you?

>I want you and you and you and you and you and you and you to be my friends for a life's time, can?

>If you're not serious about it, then get out of it lah.

>I want to eat Dendeng!

>I'm sorry I forgot, I feel shit about it so I'll make it up to you ok, I promise.

>Thank you, you got me addicted to Arctic Monkeys all over again. :)

>Miley Cyrus is so annoying. How can you do Maths while listening to her?

>Eh, you're right, Zac Efron is hot seyh!

>How come she (points to Katy Perry) so pretty ah? Padan ah you suke ehk.

Time to hit the books!

Maybe Not Entirely

2010-09-12T18:43:00.001+08:00

"Everybody has their weak spot. The one thing that, despite your best efforts, will bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise" -Sarah Dessen (Lock and Key)

Hi! I am here to take a momentary break from Bio cos I really need one. Heh.. Lest my brain would just well.. Haha! Nvm.. I had really nice chat with a friend today about matters of the heart and stuffs like that.. Funny, never thought I'd actually engage in one with this particular person but I'm glad I did.. But haha! Shall not elaborate on that ayye!

On another note: I LOST ANOTHER KILOGRAM THIS WEEK! And I am really Happy about it.. Despite it being the festive season and all, I managed to lose some weight! Heh.. 2kgs in 2 weeks.. PRO! I can indulge on Yogurt without feeling as guilty anymore! WEDNESDAYWEDNESDAY PLEASE COME QUICK! I want my Mixberries and Oreos! :) Yogurt wont make me fat.. So HAHAHAHAHA! :) Oh and according to Gina there's a new Yogurt shop at Whitesands called "The devil and his wicked minions" Yogurt or something.. Weird huh? But, will give it a try..

Oh oh! I think I'm gonna do the thing that Ting does on her blog.. Seems cool like that.. And haha! It'll keep my blog updated for ten days and it will definitely keep my blogposts away from sounding too whiny about the exams heh..!

>Day 1 — Ten things you want to say to ten different people.

>Day 2 — Nine things about yourself.

>Day 3 — Eight ways to win your heart.

>Day 4 — Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

>Day 5 — Six things that you wish you had never done.

>Day 6 — Five people who mean a lot to you.

>Day 7 — Four turn offs.

>Day 8 — Three turn ons.

>Day 9 — Two smileys that describe your life right now.

>Day 10 — One confession

I shall start tomorrow! Kay gonna go back to the books now! :)

I know you can, but I'm hoping you don't.

Thanks!

2010-09-11T23:37:00.001+08:00

"Cause we hate what you do And we hate your whole crew So please don't stay in touch"

-Lily Allen

Bleargh! I dont get how some people can be so inconsiderate sometimes. I mean like, seriously, what's the freaking point on showing me some sympathy saying "oh poor you.. Need to stay home to study" and shit alike when you're gonna end up making a hell lotta noise which will obviously disrupt my studying?

Next time, I'm gonna reconsider studying at home, with or without them.. What the hell ah, I spent half the day studying Maths.. Like fck, I dont need that much time on Maths since the paper's on Wednesday.. I need to study for freaking Bio and to do that I need peace and quiet.. Which was so taken away from me with your presence.. How the hell do you expect me to freaking study for freaking Bio when there you are, squealing your lungs out while karaoke-ing.. Wait in the first place, it's night time, neighbours are trying to sleep so wtf is up with you?

I dont freaking need you to distract me and cause me to lose my concentration when I've only got one more day left.. How much can I possibly cover? Shitness.. I'm probably gonna fail bio and it's so not because I was intentionally ill-prepared for it.. It's fcking cos of you irritants!

WHAT THE HELL! Can I disown myself from you people already?

I will own Time.. after A's

2010-09-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

"Time is priceless, but it's free. You can't own it, you can use it. You can spend it, but you can't keep it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back."

-Time Traveller's Wife

I'm waiting for my mum and dad to get back from the Mosque.. Heh.. Cos I wanna eat the cheesecake.. Tralalala~~

Anyways, so today I spent the day at home to chiong whatever Maths stuffs and the little bit of studying that I could do.. EPIC FAILURE! Did only a little bit of Maths and none of my revisions.. How Awesome can I be? Haha! And furthermore, I was still a little tired from yesterday so half the time while I was doing Maths, I was stoning.. So I crashed on my bed and ended up thinking of all the things I'd like to do after Prelims and A's.. Fine so maybe I'm thinking a little too far ahead, but hey, it keeps me motivated to press on and persevere till the very end.. :)

So after Prelims

>Go catch Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D with my two bestfriends, Shab and Hanan

>Ice-cream Chefs and perhaps a picnic with my Girlfriends, Ling and Ting

>Lunch with S03? if it's still on urh

>Studdeyh!

After A's:

>Teach Rauhdah how to cycle

>Help Rafidah learn how to tread water

>BOWL with the three girls at Safra

>Makan somewhere, haha! I forgot where they said they wanted to go

>Hopefully go for another round or two of Tour De East

>Back to Hockey with ZY

>Hopefully spend Christmas eating Fondue with girlfriends while watching a sunset..:)
> Oh oh! WATCH GLEE SEASON 2!

>AND MANY MORE!

HOHO! I'm so excited! :) Blah, but I have to get through studying first.. I CAN DO THIS!

Optimism's been so far so good

Awesome!

2010-09-04T23:01:00.000+08:00

"A hug can turn your day around, it’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you, and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety comes shooting out of your mouth, and you can breathe again"-

Pushing Daisies

Retail therapy today was awesome! Technically, it wasn't much of a retail therapy since I didnt quite spend as much as LINGYANGTING.. Unlike someone, I settled for a Hoodie from Uniqlo which costed me 30 bucks.. Rather than spend 100 bucks just on a Hoodie from GAP.. Sheesh.. HAHA!! Nevermind lah, It's damn comfortable.. So, hmm.. Worth lah kay.. HAHA!!

And had my iftar at BREEKS which was also hell awesome! But yeah, the one at airport has better service.. Regardless, Breeks is still awesome, I like! Before heading home, went to Red Mango where TAYWANLIN was working at and had some Yogurt.. It was nice! And I prefer it a lot more than Frolick's.. Idk.. It just tasted better.. Maybe cos Ling made it.. haha! idk.. :)

Seventeyh bucks in 7 hours, YIPEE-KA-YAY! I love today!

Bad, Just Bad

2010-09-02T22:47:00.000+08:00

"Now I'm told that this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise so we can get what we want out of it"

-Paramore, Misguided Ghosts

Something really funny happened right before History paper today.

Matthew Lim: Rauhdah, who's behind you?
Rauh: How would I know?
Samad: What's your number?
Rauh: 12
Samad: Oh, that seat belongs to V
Matthew Lim: Ok.. That's expected, right? *proceeds to leave room with a wide grin on his face*
*Turns back* Well, let's just hope that she turns up..

HAHAHA!! The few of us burst out into laughter! EPIC! Even Matthew Lim knows about her and her habits.. And Mr Samad said something but I couldnt quite catch what it was but I guess that it was some deprecating humour that he likes to engage in.. Either ways, that lightened up the mood a little before we were all dragged back to the reality, sad sad reality.

Sleep depravity is driving me nuts already. HELP

Day 1. ONLY Day 1.

2010-08-30T17:47:00.000+08:00

"Life can be very tough. Sometimes I just wish to put everything aside for a moment. Sit on the empty floor in a lonely room and stare at blank space, let the heavy weight on my shoulders down. Not thinking about anything and everything."

Done with GP and Chem P3.. Honestly, the chem paper wasn't tough.. It would have been easy for me had I been a diligent and consistent student since year one.. But too bad for me, I'm not.. So as always, I'm stuck with the uncertainty of even passing the paper.. Yknow, the kind where you think you got it right but then you're actually wrong? Yeah, that uncertainty.. Sucks, but what to do? I asked for it.. Same thing for GP.. In fact, I've never felt good while doing GP.. Halfway through the essay, I'd always feel like I've gone out of point.. Well, hopefully I don't fail.. Or else, it'll only add on to my long list of worries..

What's more I've been having a throbbing headache since this afternoon after GP P1.. Plus my flu kinda got worse.. And I'm really tired.. If today was my birthday, I'd wish for a day's rest where I can pay off all my sleep deficits, and be able to snuggle in my blanket and a hoodie on this cold day.. Oh the comfort! It's only the first day of Prelims =_=.. HELP!

AH.. Need to get back to doing some work.. Haven't got much time.. Headache, be gone!

Best way to keep out of trouble: Speak only when necessary

Time For That Change

2010-08-26T15:30:00.001+08:00

"I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We spend too much time overanalyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don’t ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. Always remember that."

Note to self: It's time.. No more vulgarities.. No more plain insensitive judgements.. No more sarcasm.. No more shit.. It's time to be a good girl Liy.. Not because of what's happened but because it's so much better, for yourself and for everyone else.. Stop being such a pain in the ass.. Stop ridiculing others just to make yourself feel better.. Stop pretending and faking everything.. Smile more, your dimple, however retarded it is since it's only on one side is actually noticed.. Be happy and contented with life.. There are thousands, millions of people out there who are a lot worse.. So stop being so angsty, pessimistic and miserable about everything! OK?

Oh most importantly, WORK HARD and stop PROCRASTINATING!

One month, that's all I've got..

The Need To Know

2010-08-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

"Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed up. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves."

-Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In

Wouldn't it be great if we could start over, forget all that has happened and start afresh? Things have changed so much.. Why can't we be like then? I miss those times where we'd just joke around and nothing mattered.. We'd share our stories and and frustrations all the time.. Cracks, let's just be honest.. We're all seeing it.. Now more so than ever.. We used to be so together.. Now?

Things are pretty messed up.. I want to know whether she's figured it out.. Signs are telling me that she already knows about the whole thing.. But then again.. I need to know! So that I can undo the wrongs and make things right all over again.. I want to at least try.. I'm ready to drop everything, I swear..

Man, I just wanna move on and forget all that's happened.. I don't want to even pretend to not remember.. I wanna go back to the better yesterdays.. Is it really so much to ask for? Or maybe it's just me? Me and my paranoia.. Me and my theories.. Me and my sensitivity.. I will put it all aside if it will mean that we could go back to how it was like in the past..

I need to know. Question is how.

The Need to be Happy

2010-08-19T18:34:00.000+08:00

Joseph Vincent ♥!
AWESOME! :]

She is Love Cover (Parachute)- Joseph Vincent ft. Kris Mark

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it."

I actually want to wake up every morning feeling fine; forgetting whatever shit that happened the day before and just move on to a better, brighter day.. Lately, I've been getting none of that.. Hell, I've not even been getting enough sleep.. My eyebags are 'OMG! dont look at it lest I'll feel very insecure'-ish.. And it's not really because of me working hard and stuffs..

There's just a lot on my mind.. A's especially.. So fine, the A's are really bothering me (gosh I just forgot how to spell bother).. I wake up, go to school and remain pissed about every little thing that seem to annoy me just like the stupid bell that screams in my ear every morning in school.. And then the little things that the teachers do to us be it school work or even the slightest petty mistakes that they make while teaching which I have now begin to take notice of.. This is exclusive of the little things that my dear schoolmates, the year 1s especially, do..

I guess the cute doctor was right, I am stressed.. That's why I've been PMS-ing ALOT.. Even Emm says that I'm unlike myself.. I need to make things right.. URGH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Happiness is a choice! Come on.. I can totally do this.. Even Emm can do it, so why can't I?

And there's really something that I need to work out.. But how do I approach it?

Reboot this system, reset my settings.

What's wrong now?

2010-08-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

"I’m in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is. Or maybe it’s my heart that’s doing the insisting. I can’t really tell. You know that feeling?"

So apparently, I'm currently not myself.. I'm not talking much, I dont make my presence in school much of a significance since people no longer realise that I'm back in school after taking just one day of MC.. And I'm not participating as actively in History as I always do..

Honestly, I dont know what's wrong with me.. Actually, I dont even see what's there to be wrong about.. When I'm noisy, you tell me that I'm being too annoying and thus, in whatever way it is that you use, you tell me to shut up.. Then, when I go all quite, you think something is wrong.. What is it that people want? I honestly have got no idea.. Really.. Matthew Lim, my history teacher said "Liyana, you're awfully quite today" in the middle of lecture.. What was I supposed to do? Engage in small talk and not pay any attention to you?

Then a friend asked me whether things were cool between us, whether I was angry at her for anything at all.. I mean, huh? I dont get it.. Did anything happen between us that I probably am not aware of? And which blog post was she referring to? I dont know.. But whatever it is, things are a little awkward now the way I see it.. I dont know.. There's just this very weird vibe.. Maybe I'm being just a little paranoid.. I have got no idea what's happening around school anymore.. I really dont..

And Hanan, he just smsed me saying that he thinks that we're drifting apart in a way, that I'm "caring and loving for him as a friend much less now".. I dont know how he came to that conclusion but that dude will always be my number 1 bestest best friend in the entire universe mainly cos I practically grew up with him.. We've been friends for nearly a decade now, I'm not gonna throw that away! He thinks that he's not been a good best friend to me cos it's always him who'd share his problems.. So ok, yeah I hardly tell him about my problems.. Things is, I've never noticed this until he pointed it out to me just an hour ago..

So fine maybe I admit that I tend to keep stuffs to myself and that I am trying to play a lower profile than before now noting that some have voiced out their opinion about my personality whatever shit that they were referring to.. I'm not saying they're right though.. I just dont wanna get in their way anymore, you know? So I just stick to the people that I'm most comfortable with, just because.. I dont know what people want from me.. I dont know how they expect me to behave..

Maybe, I'm not being neutral enough.

Right to live

2010-08-08T19:47:00.002+08:00

"Abortion is the ultimate violence"-Robert Casey

I am totally against abortion.. Specifically, abortion of choice. You know, the type where the ignorant mother decides that the baby, her baby is a burden to her and thus, deserves to be thrown away.. What is wrong with these people? Seriously! Happy happy enjoy and then when you get this "burden" you just throw it away? Fck! It's a violation of human rights, the right of the unborn child to live! I'm sorry for sounding so angry but doesnt it make you mad that some people are just plain selfish? I think that the Singapore government should just scrap its abortion law and instill a new law that only allows expectant mothers who are at high health risks to go for abortion.

Sex Ed on Tuesday really woke me up on this thing.. I mean, abortion when you're already 6 months pregnant is sad, not for the mother but for the baby.. "6 months would mean that a skull would already be formed"-Mrs Gay.. I dont even wanna say what happens when the 6month old unborn child is aborted.. Far too upsetting.. I think all these ignorant women should be blended.. I swear, make them feel the pain that they gave to their child..

Came across this on Haikal's tumblr.. Thought I would share:

Hi, Mommy. I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I’ve got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child, and you’ll call me your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We’ll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn’t wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! …He wasn’t happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don’t think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don’t think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay… but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That’s a sound I don’t like. It doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I’m not sure if I do. It wasn’t right. You say he loves you… why would he hurt you? I don’t like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you’re so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I’m happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t know why, but that’s what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think that he is a good person, I think he’s bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn’t want us. He doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, Mommy?

You didn’t talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?
It’s been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven’t talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don’t you do that when you’re awake, any more?

I’m 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going somewhere today, and it’s somewhere new. I’m excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait. …

Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something’s going to happen soon. I’m really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don’t worry Mommy, I’m safe. I’m in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it’s called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I’m really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn’t I love you enough? Please say you’ll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I want you to love me again! I’m really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.
Every abortion is just…
One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

Everyone deserves the right to live

Life Sucks, Deal With It

2010-08-07T21:10:00.003+08:00

"When we were little, life worked perfectly. No matter what happened, everything turned out alright in the end. Scraped knees, cancelled play dates, dropped ice cream cones. We would cry for a short time, but by the end of the day, everything would be perfect. And now as we’ve grown older, we’ve lost the faith as we stumble through each day, crying over broken hearts, lost friendships, and lost dreams. It seems like life and perfection have turned their backs on us, but really its just that we’ve grown up. As children we didn’t pay attention to such details about our daily lives, but now we are more aware and little details seem to be amplifying our pain. But just remember that when we were younger, life was hard too, but we had faith in perfection because we could look past faults. So don’t lose your faith. Learn to know that each day will pass, each heartache will be mended, and everything will be perfect in the end. Just keep your faith."

Sorry if my recent posts have been whiny.. Didn't mean to.. Just felt like letting go of all my emotions and stuffs.. Trying to work things out.. Yeap. Things will never always go my way.. I know that now.. Thanks Emm, for being the listening ear, for everything.

Note to self: Let's just forgive and forget. There's no use bearing a grudge.

Reminiscing 2009 , Forgetting 2010

2010-08-07T15:36:00.000+08:00

"Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it"-William Feather

Was having a nice twitter convo with Shila yesterday about how much we missed the Malay classes with Cikgu Rabiah last year.. It struck me that I not only miss Malay Lessons but also the entire of the J1 year.. I had no worries back then to be honest.. Not even Promos scared me.. I was very relaxed.. I had fun all the time.. Anywhere, anytime..

Even Hockey was fun.. No commitments to make, had a little bit of conflicts but that didnt matter so much cos I wasnt the one involved.. Hell, I'll even admit that I miss those crappy PW days..Cos I couldnt care less about my group, I just listened in for the sake of it which explains why never really bothered about getting all stressed about it..

I guess the best part of J1 was that I really really had nothing to worry about.. Settling in was fine.. I had and still have 3 awesome buddies to get me used to the system.. Though we did have our rough times, we recovered smoothly enough to be ok by the end of the day.. And I had BM, and Hanan to support me too.. Though U7 was a little bit of a phony, not knowing where the hell one came from, I enjoyed it.. So called friendship problems didnt bother me.. Everybody was nice.. Maybe I wasnt too nice to a couple of people but at least I stayed true to what I feel.. No fake niceness.. So care free.. I cant seem to find all that this year.. Ok maybe a little bit, here and there.. I still have my awesome 2 friends plus 3 bestfriends to help me through school.. And I made another 2 good friends, one that I can absolutely trust..

I dont know, I really dont know.. I feel lost most of the times this year.. I wont say that it's the A's that's weighing me down.. It's something other than that.. Fact is I know what it is, and a couple of other people also know what it is just that, I dont wanna say it.. I dont wanna admit it.. Forget it.. It's pointless anyways.. Let's hope that I get through the year well, graduate from this quick enough and not fall apart anytime soon.. All I want is to have fun again.. Is it too much too ask for?

Trust is subjective. I dont trust half the people whom I used to trust last year anymore.

Pretence

2010-08-05T23:40:00.002+08:00

"Nobody can hurt me without my permission"- Mohandas Ghandi

Thing about me, is that I can forgive but I can also promise that I'll never forget, not by choice however.. That's a flaw of mine, at least that's how I see it.. Cos sometimes, all I just wanna do is to move on.. But, I can't.. I'm sick and tired of being pissed all the time.. Much to the disbelief of many, I really am just sick and tired of all the mess and chaos.. So I'm just gonna continue to pretend that nothing happened.. That I wasn't hurt.. That you werent being mean, insenstitive.. I'm just gonna pretend, be neutral.. I guess it's a whole lot better this way. For now, maybe forever..

Everyone has their limits.. If I can understand yours, why can't you do the same?

Manipulation

2010-08-05T00:32:00.010+08:00

"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, I survived" - Craig Scott

Had a real nice heart to heart talk with Rauhdah today.. Pretty surprising, I would say, cos I never really saw it coming.. Anyways, was having an early dinner with her today at KFC when I confessed to her about me not feeling the same since we last talked about a certain somebody.. Turns out, she was sharing the same sentiments as me, somehow.. So the next hour or so was spent mainly on talking about that somebody..

Conclusion: She's too very manipulative and we were the couple of suckers to have fallen in her death trap that makes it seem as if we're in her clutches.. So much so that you can confidently think that with a little bit of your words, you can sway our "neighbourhood" minds.. Well fck that! And it's not solely about how her attitude's been much of late.. Actually it's not even much of late.. It's been months since this new attitude came in.. I thought I was the only one to be disturbed and feel rather intimidated to a point that it seemed offensive cos I was a little too sensitive and judgemental about it.. Well, some other people feel the same way too.. Not surprising, I guess..

She was fine before, but I just don't know what happened.. It can't be me, can it? I think I'm still the same.. At least I can tell when one is being honest about the comments and when one is joking about it.. Or maybe, I've just lost it.. Idk.. But whatever it is, it has been agreed upon that she's not much of a goody herself.. Thinking back, I really dont know why I even bothered to defend you when someone outrightly tried to slander you with her malicioius rumours.. Should have just left it, right? I mean, fine, you dont know what's been said behind your back, but I dont think you've ever done anything to stop em from coming at you either..

Kay, so you dont wanna appreciate, nvm.. But seriously, what is up with the act big attitude that "blah blah blah I'm better than you" whatever.. Stop.. Ok STOP with the belittling of others! I've had it.. Seriously.. I think I've already given a lot of signs to show that I'm not ok with you anymore.. And please, stop exaggerating your stories to rally our support.. I've seen past them.. Though it's with a little help from a friend.. I dont know, I swear I dont know how I even got to believing you in the first place.. I'm switching sides.. Gosh I feel so stupid!

I don't know you anymore, I think I did.. Before all these..

Ling is an adult.. HAHAHAHAHA!!

2010-08-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

"And if I’ve learnt one thing in my life, it’s that the people who can’t love you for who you are, don’t deserve to ever be with you at all."

Great day with the lovlies yesterday! One of us turned 18.. Heh that confident woman up there suspected that something was going on.. Haha!! But still, thanks to my excellence performance and a little bit of Ting's, we managed to pull of a pretty neat surprise.. One that I dont think she would ever have guessed.. Hehe

So destination for the little celebration, ICE CREAM CHEFS!! hoho!! It's kinda become one of my favourite spots in Singapore.. BEST!! Anyways, gave Ling the frame which I had painstakingly done with a little help from my two friends in school and I was damn happy when she said " This is one of my favourite gifts that I've gotten!" Heh.. I wanted her to cry actually.. But that woman couldnt cry tears of joy or by feeling touched.. Nevertheless, her saying that made my day and it doest matter anymore that she didnt cry.. Hopefully she cried at home.. HAHA!!

It was a pretty brief session but regardless, I'm happy that we got to spend time especially when our schedules are getting a lot more busy that it used to be.. Ling and her tests, Ting and her attachments and projects and me, with A levels.. We're gonna get through this! And we're gonna get through this together well ok!! I know we can do it!!

And honestly, my life would suck without you

Trust

2010-07-31T00:29:00.000+08:00

"I promise with all my heart and soul that I'll keep you close where ever I go"

Back to blogging on a friday night. Had nothing to do.. Well, I actually have lots to do but I'll do em later or smthg..

Anyways, it kinda struck me today how Trust is actually a pretty big word.. The context of it is deeper than I actually thought it'd be.. Thinking back on my own life, there really isnt much people whom I find that I can trust.. There are a couple, but I guess if I'd stop being so cautious about everyone, I'd probably have more people to express my whole hearted feelings to.. I have a couple in school that I can talk to.. Hanan, clearly being one of them.. And my girlfriends.. And WOWWLG.. I'd share my problems and my secrets only with them..

I dont know.. In school today I heard about a certain teacher of mine who spoke very badly of her student, a certain friend of mine.. I've got to say that though I know that she's kinda biased to a selected few and all, I was really shocked by what she said and did.. It made me and my other 3 friends wonder what other things she could have said to her colleagues about us, the unfortunate majority whom she probably dislike due to our poor performances in exams and tests.. I admit that I do talk about other people but I know well enough not to go to the latter's friend to create any animosity between them.. Now I think that's really wrong.. I can't even trust my teacher, an adult with much knowlegde and life experience..

Well, anyways, I've got this certain tendency to feel really happy and excited when people said that they trust me.. Haha!! Call it lame, whatever, I just feel very honoured and sometimes really touched that people would actually entrust me with their information.. Funny how I see it.. Cos I've been called a big gossip monger which is so not true cos whatever I share happen to be facts.. I know one of them who called me that ended up telling me a big secret of hers.. Yeah, we had our connnections but both of us know that those connnections are slowly gg away especially with her shooting her mouth off like nothing's wrong.. Regardless of what might happen in the future, especially in the next 4 months while I'm still in the same class as her a promise is a promise..

Fragility. It is beginning to scare me.

Pain redefined

2010-06-27T13:24:00.006+08:00

"Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress"

Anyways, last Sunday, exactly a week ago, I participated in the most unthinkable tournament that I've ever signed up for.. Kay I exaggerated this a lot but, HAHA!! It's called, MySpex.. So rules of the tournament, get a team of at least ten players, all of which have to wear long sleeved shirts + long pants + (OMG NOOO!!) scarf.. It was shit crazy HOT I swear..

So plan was to ditch the later stages of the tournament by losing the group stages.. So we lost the first game.. BUT, we won the other two.. Yknow, just like Spain, lose one win two then they get through.. By then, the environment was getting really bad.. It got so hot that at one point of time, me and my GS, cos I was playing GK felt as though our soles were burning.. We couldnt stand still so both of us were like dancing in our positions.. It's was funny to those who were sitting under the shade but so not for us.. So yeah, plan failed.. Carried on playing and playing and playing for god knows how many more matches before we finally made it through to the 3rd and 4th placing match.. Funny huh, how the ones who wanted to lose eventually got 4th?

Well, I was kinda disappointed at myself for acting so harshly towards a certain teammate of mine.. I think I was bordering on rude but I kept myself together an not let it all burst out.. I don't know.. I guess when you enter a match, your priorities change.. I no longer wanted to lose.. Oh wells, what's done is done.. I hope I didnt offend my teammate by my wrongdoings.. I had fun, despite having to endure the severe muscle aches that I had to bear with for the next 2-3 days coupled together with my monthly woes.. Heh.. But next time, I dont think I wanna do it again.. Netball from 9-5 is just too unbearable for me..

My temper can at times get out of hand.. I'll need to work on that..

Maybe someday..

2010-06-27T12:59:00.010+08:00

"Be you. Find you. Be happy with that."

Hey Yo!! Gots nothing to blog about really.. But I guess I'll start with Rewang Nak Tari 2 at Republic Poly last Saturday. Started off by pissing me cos I was supposed to meet my girlfriends to watch Last Song together with the popcorn that Ting bought but all plans failed when I had to report superr early for the event.. *sighs* So I thought oh wells, what to do..

Left the house blahblahblah and event started.. Yknow, the event made me reevaluate myself as a member of the Malay community.. I know I've lost a little bit of my grounds, not liking the culture and finding that learning the language was a total waste of time simply cos I aced it too easily.. Kay I'm not trying to boast but that's just what I feel.. Thing is, when I watched the performances, I realised why I lost interest in it..

It all started in J1.. Got into a class where we played a lot but yet scored relatively well.. Sometimes led by the girl who disrespected the Cikgu which we thought was ok, at that time.. I mean, even the all time best scorer for PSLE takes Chinese as her 2nd language.. So I totally disregarded the language. Then came me being annoyed at Dikir.. No offence but I just don't get it.. My cousins are enthusiasts of Dikir.. Whenever I come around, they'll play videos and songs and start doing the ragam and stuffs.. But still, I just dont enjoy it as much as they do.. Blame Samad? My seniors? Nah.. I never favoured dikir cos I thought that it was too annoying.. Kay at this time, I apologise yet again if I've offended anyone.. And then prolly the build up by so many people using the phrase, Janji Melayu per.. It's not funny.. At least whenever I use it, I meant it sarcastically..

So when I got to watch the performances, I realise that due to just several minute factors, I've actually disregarded the whole beauty of the culture in itself.. The tarian performances were great.. And it was all so beautifully done.. And I guess I have to fault myself for thinking that the culture is just all such a waste of time just because of some bad eggs.. So with the realization that I may have acted a little too rashly, I've decided to be more open to the culture.. Well, for those which I've already decided to dislike, let's just say, I dont think my views will change on them.. At least not for now..

I really hope that someday soon, I'll really be able to proudly say that I'm proud to be a Malay.

Awesome Ashton!!

2010-06-10T21:38:00.000+08:00

"It's funny how we set qualifications for the right person to love when deep in our hearts, we know that the person we truly love will always be an exception"

Caught an awesome movie with my gf yesterday morning.. Heh. The Killers rocked!! \m/ Ashton Kutcher was surprisingly hot, unlike his scrawny self in That 70s Show.. Ahh.. He's just soo hot!! =] But nevertheless, the movie was great.. It was just what I needed after a few bad days.. The comedic mother of Katherine Heigler made my day.. Haha!! She's so damn funneyh!!

Anyways, found this really cool thing while browsing through a friend's tumblr.. Thought I'd like to share it.. This goes out especially to my beloved gfs, you know who you are.. *winks*

Let's go back to when we first met.

Boybands!!

2010-05-30T13:47:00.008+08:00

"Sometimes I wish you'd pay more attention to my favourite songs because the lyrics sing words that I'm too scared to say"

Ho ho!! Yesterday while rummaging through my old stuffs, I finally found the good old boyband CDs that I've been looking for since a week ago!! While eating at KFC then, the fast food outlet was playing the songs and me, Shikin and Mai were singing and humming to the tunes.. It's kinda cool how I can still remember most of the lyrics.. Heh.. Anyways, I think I kinda annoyed the twitteroos by spamming the lyrics of the songs, just for fun.. And haha!! Kinda got into a debate on whether BSB or Westlife is better.. NOOO!!!

Regardless of what people would say, my favourites will and will always be Backstreet boys.. Kay maybe they're second after Blue.. HAHA!! Cos only Blue has especially cute and hamsem men.. Haha!! Like the ever so smexy Duncan James!! =)) So what if he's bisexual.. Who cares.. HAHA!! Kay shall go onto to listening the songs now!! BYE!!

IamfckyeahHAPPEYH!!

The Ex

2010-05-29T20:14:00.010+08:00

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never wanted to lose."

Chilled for a bit with Emm after lunching with Hanan and the dikir girls after history just now.. I gotta admit that I was really unsure of whether to meet up with him or not but I went ahead with it anyways since it's really been a long time since we met and hung out.. He didnt wanna go for his classes so he rang me up to ask if I wanted to catch up on the old times.. Never mind his girlfriend for that occasion, heh..

So as always, as in, the good old times, you made me laugh till I cried.. Made me forget the stresses and problems in my world.. Made me enjoy today.. Because we're just happy and comfortable, with just being friends.. I guess I like that more than what we were last time cos today I think I saw the side of you that I much preferred.. Caring and outgoing.. I mean, despite all that has happened.. Kay fine it's your fault afterall but whatever.. At the end of the day, I guess it's ok now that we're just friends.. At least we get along better.. Heh.. Well, at the very least, you definitely did great in being my listening ear.. Oh.. Again, I wanna say thanks for the very belated gift.. No worries, I like it!! =]

Who ever said that ex-es cannot and should not be friends..

I wish..

2010-05-28T19:29:00.000+08:00

Out of sorts

2010-05-23T19:25:00.005+08:00

Times like these when I need my BFFs

"Sometimes things are easier to say through writing. For some reason saying out loud how I feel in words is much harder."

I'm an emotional wreck. The tire, the stress and the fever has all gone to my head. And I'm running on very low morale these past few days. It's made me into a grumpy and definitely more irritable person. Well at least more so than I've ever been. Just last week I got upset at Hanan for what seems to be a very petty thing. And I think I almost initiated a verbal fight with a couple of my friends. As in I could have but I knew better than to pursue the matter.

But I guess what's worse is that a couple of friends had decided to label me as I interpreted it to be a Mega Bitchy person. Okay fine, I know I bitch a lot. But hey.. It's only human nature. Don't tell me you don't do it? Cos if you don't then you wont be telling me to find out more things about some blahblah stuffs that are really none of my concerns..I really don't get why you'd call me that when you can still trust me with your so called deepest darkest secret? Aren't you afraid that this Mega Bitchy person would give you away? *sighs* Just as what a dear friend has said to me in her attempt to console me, just whatever the comment cos (HAHA!!).. I ♥ you babe!! =]

It's either I'm more sensitive or you've just grown a little more insensitive.

I need a break

2010-05-23T17:52:00.009+08:00

Now I miss Hockey.

"Love is a cycle: When you love, you get hurt. When you get hurt, you hate. When you hate, you try to forget. When you try to forget, you start missing. When you start missing, you'll eventually fall in love again."

It's the last week of school already. I should be glad and all that I finally get to rest but on second thought, there's not really much time for me to rest and recuperate from all the exhaustion that the term has brought me. To be honest, I'm very scared for myself. Well, I guess I need someone to slap some sense into me..

Anyways, last week's been rather eventful. Passed my NAPFA, cleared all SPA exams and Mid term tests.. Just don't know how well I've done but I hope for the best. At least if I do well or better than SA1, it can help boost my morale up a little. Anyways, I helped put a smile on a friends face, something that she very much needed especially this weekend since it's her birthday. All the tire from running up and down the staircase to find her house and up and down the escalator trying to find a nice cake for her was well worth it. To see her so touched by our little acts of kindness really made me happy. Really glad she liked it. :))

5 more months and it'll be over, school.

Pointless afterall

2010-05-16T13:24:00.007+08:00

A friend asked on Thursday of why I never shared my sorrows about the ex.. And I answered that it's because it was simply pointless to talk about it.. Another friend pointed that the reason was because I would get mad just talking about it.. Truth is, it's really pointless and not so much about me getting mad and upset when I talk about it..

Well, really, even if I talk about it, what difference does it make? True, I get all mad and upset about it because I feel hurt that I was treated in that way.. But what can I do to make the situation better? I can't because it already took place.. And even if he were to break up and decide that he made a wrong decision whatsoever, there is certainly no way of me going back.. I mean.. If he could do it once, he could do it again.. I have and had only one choice, MOVE ON.. And if I constantly talked about him, no I wont be able to move on cos I'm always reminded of him..

It's really not that I didnt want to share the pain or suppress it.. I just didnt see the point of sharing it.. I mean come on, who likes a whiner? I myself can say that I hate it when I find myself whining about these pathetic stuffs.. Not as if the relationship was going anywhere.. I'm still in school.. And I need to stay focused on my studies and not get distracted by these small and insignificant things in life.. So really, at the end of the day, I dont wanna annoy people by whining about what used to be 'us' cos it's over and it's never ever gonna happen again in my entire life.. I'm not angry anymore, neither do I wanna be angered by the petty shit called love..

I hope you're reading this: I didnt cry the day you confessed to me because really, why should I? Not because I already couldnt care less.. Well, I do hope that you recover from the injury soon.. Take care.

At least as a friend, you still care.. =]

Insecure?

2010-05-15T20:38:00.002+08:00

A classmate of mine made a comment, "whoever who goes home alone is a loser" much recently. Of course I went crazy over it.. I mean, what kind of problem do you have? Is it so wrong to have your alone time? No, I dont think so cos it's these very few alone times that you get where you really self-reflect.. At least that's what I do whenever I get em which is of course very hardly with the ridiculous schedule that I'm forced to adapt with..

So we were talking about the comment, me and a couple of others about this issue and how the certain someone has been pushing it around too much especially of late.. We came to a common conclusion by the end of it; that the she has got inferiority complex.. I know for certain how she's always doing things that she thinks is cool and making all sorts of comments that unfortunately she thinks are ok.. It all goes to show one thing, that she's scared of loneliness, and having no friends.. Well I think that at the rate she's going at these things, she'd just have more people avoiding her..

I get it.. It's your past and how you hate it.. But I mean, look at Hanan, he wasnt much of social person.. In fact, I'd say that he was just like you in the past; always being made fun of.. But I was still his friend because it didnt matter to me that he didnt fit in well cos he had a good heart.. And he still has a good heart.. He doesnt need to go around trying too hard to win the hearts of other people.. Point is, I dont think it's ok for you to be making these kinda statements and comments if all you ever wanted to do was to gain our liking and attention..

Seriously, if only you were less critical about things, then maybe yeah, me and my friends might like you.. Fine, I admit, I am critical of people too.. But thing is, I dont disturb people who've not wronged me.. I dont care about the people whom I dont know and havent hurt me before.. Come on girl.. You got to do better than this.. And for goodness sakes, stop annoying me and my friends..

F your nonsense

Touched!

2010-05-04T23:29:00.001+08:00

I call us, the Usuals

Despite the long hours of today, 13 hours to be somewhat exact, I really really enjoyed the day.. Started off pretty normally, if there's even such a word, HAHA!! Got annoyed at Mr Ong and also Leow LingLing.. Wells, then things started to look up, got my gift from Liy and later on from Shikin, Rauhdah and Rafidah.. and got a couple of birthday wishes and hugs from the people who knew of the occasion, kay actually yesterday's significance to me but still.. Haha!! Loved them all!!

Gotta say that I really never expected to recieve anything today cos, I dont know, it's just that feeling.. Haha!! But yeah I'm really thankful for the gifts.. THANKS THANKS!! And the cards, aww, so sweet!! I feel even more touched after reading the cards.. Heh.. Cos despite being so annoying and at times very anal, I still receive the wishes and stuffs alike from them.. Yeah and that epic taupok failure and kinda successful bash, well, haha!! Despite it being kinda malu-ish for me, I enjoyed it.. Haha!!

I'm really loving 09S03 and TPJC even more now!! The people, the atmosphere but maybe, not so much of the teachers lurh, hurhur.. =]

Render me speechless.. ♥

LEGAL!!

2010-05-03T22:46:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th!

I'm finally legal as of today!! WOOHOO!! But that doesnt really mean anything much does it? I mean, haha!! Not as if I'm gonna start smoking or drinking or what shitz.. Yeah, cos that'll be my one way ticket out of the house.. No way mann.. Haha!! But, I do wanna take my driving tests.. Haha!! Cos Azmeer said that he already have his PDL, which is AWESOME.. and I wanna have one too!! Haha!!

Anyways, today was yet another splendid day.. Started off by meeting BM at Sunplaza park where she had her dikir practice.. Got my wonderful gift from BM and Hanan there!! LOVE IT!! Then we left for home to go take my Monopoly Deal hehe.. Had to cos BM wanted to play with it so badly.. Wells anyways, headed off to Cage @ Kallang to meet up with the guys, well, initally only Hanan.. So watched the guys play a little and played a game or two of Monopoly deal with BM while waiting for the boys to finish playing and bathing.. Busuk.. Haha!! Meanwhile, there was a guy who was juggling his soccer ball outside.. SO KEWL!! Cos he did all the stunts that most, I think all of the guys there didnt know how to do.. Amazed siol!! HAHA!!

Kaykay.. So left for Leisure Park to have lunch and to bowl.. All of us left at different timings but ended up being at KFC altogether.. Haha!! Best.. And, bumped into ZY, Germs and Joel who were studying there.. Haha!! Got a birthday hug from Germs.. Heh.. Love the two babes lah.. Haha! Anyways, of course, the usual gossips over lunch and I was laughing like mad cos they were making all sorts of insulting jokes about the people they didnt like.. Haha!! Ah well, joining in male gossip.. Fun yo!! Shaqir was the funniest.. Haha!!

Kay so off to bowling.. Initially, everyone didnt wanna play except for me Hanan and Faiq.. So not minding the rest, we waited patiently for our lane.. I OWNED HANAN!! haha!! Cos his playing was like shit for the first round.. Haha!! Then, the other three, BM, Azmeer and Faris joined in for the second round, where I sucked.. =.= Haha!! We forced Abdul Hafiz to try out a couple of times, and that Mr I-Suck-At-Bowling owned us ah.. Thanks ehk Hafiz.. Action only.. Haha!! Nevertheless, the game was filled with fun and definitely lots of laughter.. Haha!!

Headed back home via the Cirlce Line!! WOOHOO!! First time and OMG!! the station was oh so cool!! Me likey.. Haha!! Hanan was so jakun he started snapping photos.. Heh.. Continued on our gossips again while waiting for the train.. Haha!! I like cos we talked about H and S.. Haha!!

Oh god I really loved today cos of the company and the activities!! Thank you all for today!! Just your presence was enough! BM, Hanan, Hafiz, Faiq, Faris, Azmeer and all the rest who were at Cage just now!! hoho! And I ended the day with dinner at Swensens with my loved ones!! Gosh I really dont want the day to end.. *sighs* But what can I do right?

Btw, I might just be crushing on someone that my BFF doesnt like.. Or, it can be the one that another friend says is not really a good guy cos he's a blahblah.. Dang it..

Can we be more than just friends? ♥

Lovely

2010-05-02T15:08:00.002+08:00

I'm a happy goober around you 2!

Specially for you two, I split my posts into 2.. =]

As promised, well kinda, whenever one of us turns 18, we're gonna celebrate it with a lunch date at 18 chefs.. So after getting into a senseless heated argument with my dad, left the house to head to Simei where my two beloveds were already waiting for me.. Heh.. Sorry for the lateness..Ling totally got dissed by the waiter when she couldnt finish up her food.. HAHA!! See, we told you so.. Heh.. Anyways, had the usual gossips and stuffs and I got my lovely presents from the both of them! WOOHOO!! ROCKCANDIES FTW!! And also a beautiful card.. Heh..

Headed off to EHUB to initially catch Ironman2 but Ting insisted that we watched a comedy so our pick, which was our initial pick even before the day started was BOUNTY HUNTER!! ME LIKEY!! haha!! According to Ling, I was laughing throughout the whole movie which I know I did but I have to say, I didnt laugh out loud hokay.. Haha!! But can't help it lah.. It was hilarious.. and romantic all at the same time.. =]

Afterwhich, we headed of to McCafe and hoho! I met Gelynn there.. Heh.. She's still as bubbly as ever.. And her very nice, kinda cute partner who I had a 5 second crush on was nice enough to let us pay half price for the drink.. Heh.. THANKS!! Chatted again and camwhored again, as usual and got totally high on whatever it was that we were doing..

Oh wells, what more can I say.. I had a funfilled fantabulous day.. One which I would certainly not forget.. I ♥ you babes more and more everyday! And really, I think that this whole different schools thing is just strengthening our friendship.. Thanks for the gifts, I really love it! And the card kinda disintegrating happening, well it made me treasure it even more.. Thank you both!!

Let's be friends until the end of time! ♥

babe day

2010-05-02T14:19:00.001+08:00

Hanan! and the Hockey Girls!

Friday was a short but nevertheless very tiring day, as usual every since I stepped down from CCA.. Heh.. Was yawning like mad throughout the entire day probably cos I slept in late the night before.. But oh wells, that's the case for every other friday.. heh.. Anyways, had a very brief birthday celebration for Syazana since it was her birthday on that day.. The cake was great.. But the other girls didnt like it as much as I did.. They said that it was.. Haha!! I cant remember..

Anyways, I rushed down to Tampines Mall shortly after everything else was done cos best boy had booked tickets for us both to watch Ironman 2.. HoHo GEREK YO!! The effects were damn cool and throughout the movie, me and hanan were gawking at our screens due to amazement.. Heh..I, we dont mind going for another round of it cos what's good about it was not only the effects but also the balance of humour and seriousness in it.. Haha!! Loved it!! Then on to Toys R Us to accompany Hanan to go get his 8 inch Ironman figurine.. Kental boy was acting like a kid; "Oh I dont want the ones in front cos they've probably been touched by other people.. Eeyer, why the faces all got imperfections.." I swear, I was just standing there, staring at him, trying to understand his behaviour.. Same behaviour I saw in primary school just that that was 9 years ago.. Haha!! Nevertheless, I still ♥ him.. Thanks for the day Hanan!!

Kaulah kawan aku dunia akhirat!

Boreyyng

2010-04-24T21:00:00.007+08:00

My Happy Pills! =]

School's been a drag.. Why isn't it a surprise?

But night study was cool I'd say.. I've been able to concentrate and do my homework a lot better.. But still, it's been very tiring.. Yada yada yada about all the stupid school stuffs like always.. Anyways, I've been feeling a wee bit weird about some things in life.. Boys.. Haha!! Been thinking much about boyfriends and stuffs alike since the day I saw H and S together..

Why is it sooooo easy for some people to just go on changing partners like clothes? OMG! Life's not fair.. Here I am, stuck in singlehood for about a year now when there she is, with a new guy.. *sighs* I know, shouldnt be thinking about all this nonbeneficial things in life, but hey, I cant help it.. My best friend has a boyfriend and oh is she so happy.. I think.. Haha!! It seems like she is.. Then there's me and Ting who're always complaining.. Haha!! Kay I realise that this isnt gonna go anywhere and that this is quite redundant.. Well, I'm bored, what can I say..

Cause That's Life!

Prettay

2010-04-17T17:32:00.012+08:00

FRIED MARS BARS & HASHBROWN WITH MAPLE SYRUP

Hello World,

Life's not been very nice to me much of late.. Wells, I screwed up SA1 and that landed me in Tues and Thurs compulsory night study.. I kinda got into a cold war with mum and I'm kinda grounded, indefinitely.. Wells, just as I began to think that it could actually get much worse, it got better..

HEH.. Wells, not much better but at least.. That light at the end of the tunnel indicates that life isn't gonna be so miserable afterall.. PW results were released, and me along with my other 18 out of 23 classmates got an A!! 09S03 FTW yo!! And, I had my fair share of fun with the J1s though there were slight hiccups along the way.. Oh and on Wednesday, we celebrated Hanan's birthday, me and BM over breakfast at the usual Loyang Point spot with the not so ordinary gossip topic.. Heh.. Love you two lah..

Anyways, had Meet the Parents this morning.. I must say that I had worried nothing? Haha!! Cos all the teachers that Mum and Dad talked to were very nice to me.. Heh.. Yeap, that includes Ms Leow LINGLING.. Haha!! She said, "Liyana has a good conduct, is attentive, neat and is a very smart student.. I even considered promoting her to class rep.." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I laughed like mad lah cos she's never ever been so nice to me.. In fact, she scolds me every now and then for talking during Morning Assembly.. FAKE!! But, it was very pleasing to my mother's ears, so why not.. HAHA!! And Mrs maths Koh and Mrs Gay were also nice enough to say that I did my homework and never gave them any trouble.. Aww Liyana, you're such an angel!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I swear, I couldnt stop smiling or laughing.. Heh..

I gotta go now.. Off to do homework.. Goodbye world, till next time! =]

I often take things for granted, I'm sorry..

OVER

2010-03-26T12:35:00.008+08:00

Miss you guys truck loads lah..

SA1s wrapped up yesterday.. I'm happy, but I guess it won't be for long.. When the U(s) starts to come in, I'd feel the pain.. As always, lesson learnt, never EVER do last minute revision.. Time and time again, I've failed to learn from that particular mistake, MISERABLY.. I hope I'm not gonna do the same for A levels.. I was lucky for O's.. I may not have the same luck again for As.. In fact, hell, I shouldn't even depend on luck in the first place.. "No such thing as luck," remember? Wah.. I'm gonna chillax first then start next week, hopefully..

Oh anyways, I wanna congratulate my HOT malay buddy, Khairul Azmi on scoring the hat trick against TPJC.. WOOHOO! Good job soccer maniac! Haha!!

Could it be and that I'm not just imagining things? But..

Cooking myself fat

2010-03-20T18:37:00.001+08:00

How I wish I was still a kid..

Been busying myself up with a couple of beneficial activities I'd say..

Well, I can't sit my butt down to study for three hours straight so I got myself to bake Brownies on thursday with the sweet recipe that Syab had given me.. AWESOME!! I like it a lot.. But mum said that it was a little too sweet so next time round, I'm gonna make it a little more chocolatey and use Self Raising flour instead so that it would be sponge-ier in a way and hopefully more delicious.. Heh..

A day before that however , had lunch at Hajjah Maimunah's.. NICE! Headed off for Pasar Geylang cos mum wanted to do a little bit of shopping.. Wait a mintue, shopping at PASAR GEYLANG? haha!! It didnt sound right to me at first but what the heck.. I just went along.. Was walking about when TADA! Found the Chocolate Alphetical Biscuits that I used to LOVE back when I was a kid.. I use it as a tool to sit my butt down while studying.. Munching helps hokay!! Dad said that I was behaving like a kid.. Cos I had put nutella on the biscuits and smiled at myself before I ate them..

You see, thinking back, I think I'm starting to act like a kid again.. Baking, spending more time in the kitchen trying to help mum prepare some food or even putting a couple of ingredients together to hopefully create something edible, like today.. Yeap, all those little things that I used to do when I was younger.. OMG! What's happening to me? Is it the stress??

Then again, maybe it's called reliving my much missed childhood..

GFs are LOVED

2010-03-17T21:02:00.002+08:00

I see us as friends ten, twenty, thirty, fourty ++ years down the road =]

Hey yos! Back from a long time of absence..

Anyways, yesterday was my girlfriends day with my AWESOMESTS! What started out as a dark gloomy day filled with boring Biology lessons and praticals ended with fun and laughter.. And I absolutely loved yesterday to bits.. Wells, it's not everyday that I get to spend time with these girls..

Though there were a couple of downs to yesterday, like the epic failure to make fondue due to the strong winds and the dirtying of my lovely grey shoes thanks to the mud and grass as well as a couple of B people who were acting all gay behind us, I loved every moment of it.. What more could I have asked for; terrific (wells maybe not all the time) weather, delicious spread of food and last but definitely not the least my awesome girlfriends who were the highlight of the day.. Let's have more of this kays; chubby bunny, old maid, proper fondue, calming breeze.. We should fly a kite next time! haha!! Beat the snakey kite that looked like a giant-normous sperm.. YEAH!!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love these girls?