A friend asked "if you could choose, would you murtad?" I haven't thought about it, which is a good sign but after that it kept me thinking.. Couldn't concentrate on bio heh.. But really, having thought through it, actually it didn't take me that long to decide no I won't ever, nauzubillah.. It's not that I don't believe that god exists.. Or else how would this universe be created? And then why too, would we be working our asses off? In whatever different interpretations there can be, I still believe in what I practice.. And I respect the other beliefs too.. Just that I get really frustrated whenever people discuss too much about.. In everyday convos, to lesson time.. It's no offence, annoying.. Yeah, they say that one should think of god everytime.. But not everyone shares the same belief and not everyone is pro religion.. It's these small talk that gets me started on the what ifs and the why nots.. And when I start asking questions, idk, somehow, I waver and I so do not like it.. 

I'll admit, my faith is not strong.. Maybe I'm guilty for not doing anything about it and please know that I'm not proud of it.. That's why I don't say it out loud, at least not to people who don't know me KNOW me.. Neither would I engage in religious discussions.. For now, that's how it's probably gonna be.. Try and not miss my prayers and do them as sincerely as possible and don't consume those obviously prohibited foods.. Am I gonna continue living this way? I hope not.. I don't wanna die a sinner.. That's way worse than dying a non-believer..

Religion is afterall up to one's discretion; Between one's self and Him. Who are we to say who's the biggest sinner in the entire world?