I'm Sorry
Friday, October 15, 2010;
Dear you,
This has been bugging me since it happened and I feel like fck.. And it's not helping, the fact that different people are saying almost different things.. In fact, it's made it worse.. You know, if I could turn back time, I'd really take back all the things that I've said.. I don't even care if you think that honesty's the best policy cause as of now, as of what's happening now, I'd rather lie than tell you the truth.. Now I can't even look at you without feeling guilty..
No, I'm not a confrontational person, I swear.. I don't like to make people doubt themselves or even cry for that matter.. Hell, I'd feel a million times crappier if what I said the other day.. .. .. I'd keep things to myself rather than to express it out.. And even if I did express it, it'll be done here, on my blog but then I'll let it go.. Thing is.. If I could let it pass previous times, why can't I do it the other day, why must I be so extra and petty? That's the one question that's been playing on my mind for so long.. Yet, I still have got no answer to it..
Yes, I'll admit, I was encouraged to "do the right thing" by the person that I've never ever listened to.. But no.. I'm not gonna blame her for it cos after all, she only said her piece and I should have known better knowing the state she was in.. It was me who did the talking.. Me who pressed the red button without fully thinking of the consequences.. I made that choice and it's totally myself who is to be blamed for how it turned out.. No matter how you look at it, I just can't help but feel guilty..
You're one of the first few people whom I grew comfortable with.. I still remember the first time that we breakfast/lunch-ed together and it was still damn awkward.. So we started talking about the all unpopular politics.. Malaysian politics at that and how Singapore might not be as successful if we had stayed on in Malaysia.. Then somehow, we got to Wicked Wednesdays.. It's weird that I remember all these things but hey, these are the things that I never want to forget and give up.. And I don't want these small shits to happen to destroy such awfully weird but at the same time great memories that we shared.. Like Tour De East..
Sad thing is that it had to happen a week before the end of our JC years.. Not that I was expecting it to happen any earlier or anything.. It would just be wasted if our friendship just went down the drain because I made the wrong choice.. I really have got no idea how things are gonna be like.. But I'm just really really really hoping that it will change for the better..