Sundays
Monday, July 27, 2009;
Editted from 26/7/09:
I just gotta let this out..
Today, you were there.. And you totally acted like nothing was wrong.. True, we've not met for nearly 2 months now.. And it's that same duration that we've kept our lips mum about anything and everything at all.. But somehow, you were able enough to act as though nothing had happened.. Sitting beside me on the floor when there was a whole lot of other spaces for you.. You could have been nearer to your friends.. The food wasn't even anywhere near me.. And you talked to me as if we're already on talking terms after what you did to me..
Strange enough, I thought to myself.. At first, I wondered why.. Then, after what you said to me and after thinking about it so long, I finally get why and how you did it..
You: Sunday best right??
Me: Huh??
You: Yeah.. You see.. Everything good happens to us on Sundays.. Don't you realise that??
Me: Huh??
You: Alah.. The first time we met, talked to each other, went out together.. And now, we're back on talking terms on a sunday.. Best kan?? You can't be angry at me for too long right??
Me: Oouh.. Yeah.. I just realised that too.. Hmmm..
But you know, after thinking about it.. You're kinda wrong about that.. It was also a sunday that you confessed to me and spoiled everything.. Didn't you remember?? I remember, quite clearly.. It WAS a sunday.. So I guess you'll have to take that back.. But you don't have to worry.. I've thought about it for very long.. And I guess it's about time that I let go of the anger I hold against you.. Time I realise that the anger I hold could do no good to me, to you or to our friendship.. Yeah, what you did to me was the worst shit ever.. But like you said, I can't be angry at you for too long.. So I'm sorry for calling you all the names I called you and for possibly pulling you down.. Maybe I can't feel it.. I don't know what it's like to have over achieving siblings.. So maybe, my position has just made it worse for you.. I'm sorry..
But you still have to know.. I know I shouldn't say this and I know I shouldn't feel this way anymore but.. I just can't help it but to still have feelings for you.. You were the first.. I need time.. I miss you and all the things we used to do together.. I miss those times when we'd just spend a whole lot of time talking on the phone or messaging each other for no real purposes, just to say hi and bye.. And as much as I used to hate it, I miss your 'have you eaten?' messages that came almost every eating time.. Am I wrong in saying that it was easy on you to move on? Am I?? I know I shouldn't but I am still hoping.. Hoping for the impossible maybe?? But even if it is so, can I let myself trust you after what you've done?? I don't know, I'm confused.. I guess that I need a rebound guy?? Wells, at least that's what you'll say.. Then again.. I'm not too sure myself..
So we FRIENDS??
"There was a time that we'd stay up all night
Best friends yet talking 'till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to lose but so much to gain
Are you hearing me?" -The Script